Dean got back into a silent car after organising their stay with the office staff.
"Room 15, two queens. I take it you won't mind sharing," he gave Faith a bemused glance.
He pulled the impala out of the office car park and headed into the complex.
Faith
Faith smiled slightly.
"Do I get to take my pick?"
Sam
"She's all yours," Sam smiled sarcastically from the back seat as they pulled up in front of door #15.
"Home sweet home!" Dean announced, getting out and going to open the trunk.
He pulled out his bag and went to unlock the door. Sam followed suit, going to grab his bag.
"We should probably do a laundry run tomorrow," he suggested.
"Key word tomorrow I hope," Dean responded as the door opened, "lock the car behind you."
Faith
Faith grabbed her bag and followed them after locking her door. She peered into the room.
"Hmm, suddenly not so tired."
Dean & Sam
"I call shower," Dean announced, pulling out some shorts and a wifebeater that at least smelled clean and heading for the bathroom.
Sam dumped his bag on his bed and pulled out his laptop, setting it up on the small dining table.
Faith
"I'm going for a run," Faith said, opening her bag and retrieving some clothes to work out in.
"I'll stay out of sight. Promise."
She glanced at the closed bathroom door, then figured Sam was too engrossed in his research to pay attention to her.
She pulled her shirt over her head, standing with her back turned to Sam clad in her pants and a bra. She then pulled a white singlet on and unbuttoned her pants. She bent down to pull them off, the lace french cut panties showing more than a little but of cheek as she did so. Within seconds, she had a pair of sweatpants on and was sitting on the bed putting her joggers on.
Sam
Sam happened to look up at the wrong moment, and caught himself staring.
Once she had her pants on he quickly turned back to the computer and typed his password in.
"Try and stay out of sight ok?" he insisted.
Faith
"Will do, handsome."
Faith saluted as she left, still tying her hair up. She looked around, surveying the area and then decided the safest course to run would be through the woods.
Just as well she could kill anything that might want to eat her.
Dean & Sam
About five minutes later, Sam went to bang on the bathroom door to let his brother know it was time up. He heard a disapproving yell, but the water turned off nonetheless. And he went back to his computer.
A moment later Dean appeared in a towel, drying his hair.
"Where's Faith?" he frowned.
"Went for a run, or so she says," Sam shrugged.
"And you let her go alone?"
"She's a slayer, Dean."
"You know if anything happens to her? Make sure Angel comes after your neck and not mine," Dean pointed at him before returning to the bathroom to get dressed.
Faith
Faith was running through the bush on a beaten up hiking track, dodging low hanging branches every so often. Her leg had hurt a little at first, but it seemed to be handling the exercise well.
After about half an hour, she stopped in a clearing, resting her hands on her knees as she breathed deeply through her nose. Just as she was about to head back, she felt warm air on her neck.
"Ew, creepy much?"
She ducked before the demon could put his arms around her, and she kicked back, then spun around, wishing she'd thought to bring a knife. She'd have to improvise.
A short time, some cuts and bruises later, the demon lay on the ground, head turned right around. Faith rolled her shoulders and looked at her leg, already seeing the bandage turning bright red. She also felt cold on her chest, and a glance down confirmed that the front of her shirt was in ruins.
"I liked this one too."
She head back to the motel room, half jogging, half walking, and as she walked into the room and she made a face.
"Ugh, I can hear my blood squelching in my shoe."
Sam
Sam only looked up at the sound of her voice, then saw the state of her.
"Faith?!" he jumped to his feet and jogging over to her.
"What happened?? Where's your med kit?"
Faith
Faith sat down in the nearest chair and pointed to her bag.
"In my bag."
She lifted her leg up.
"Found a demon. Or rather, he found me. He's all sorts of dead though."
Dean & Sam
Sam went to grab the medical kit and an old towel, quickly putting the towel underneath her leg so the blood didn't get into the carpet. Kneeling down, he got to work on checking out her wound.
Dean eventually emergd from the bathroom in his shorts and shirt, and stopped in the doorway.
"I swear it's like deja vu all over again," he said, only able to see Sam's head down near Faith's crotch.
"She ran into a demon," Sam explained, deciding to sit instead of kneel which gave Dean a better view.
"Is it out of commission?" Dean asked.
Faith
"Yep, deadskies."
Faith let Sam do his thing.
"In dire need of a shower now though."
Sam & Dean
"Let me wrap it up first," Sam insisted, "don't need it getting wet on top of everything."
"Good old Dr. Sam," Dean rolled his eyes.
He went to the sink and got himself a drink of water, then went over to his bed and slid under the covers.
Sam dressed the wound again and wrapped it in plastic before sitting back.
"You're ok for a shower now," he nodded, "no blood shed elsewhere?"
He indicated her ripped shirt.
Faith
"Nothing that I can't handle," Faith said, shrugging. "Some scratches, but they're not deep. I'll just put some antiseptic on them after my shower."
She stood awkwardly.
"Speaking of which..."
She made her way over to the bathroom and smiled her thanks at Sam before leaving to get clean.
Sam & Dean
"Don't tell me you're gonna be square eyed all night," Dean opened an eye and looked in Sam's direction.
"Not all night, I'm just looking for something."
"What?"
"Nevermind. Just something on hellhounds."
Dean grunted to himself and rolled over so that he was facing the wall.
Faith
Faith showered and dressed in a pair of short shorts and a singlet, then came out of the bathroom and slid into bed next to Dean.
She rolled so she was facing Sam.
"Research? Or porn? Or both?"
Sam & Dean
Dean closed his eyes once he felt Faith in the bed, deciding whether or not to put an arm around her.
"Porn," Sam lied, squinting a little as he tried to remember a certain Latin piece.
Dean held back a snort.
Faith
"Well, let me know if you need to be alone."
Faith grinned slightly, putting one arm under her pillow and the other held the blanket aginst her chest.
Sam
"Like there's any chance of that happening."
Sam leant over and turned a nearby lamp on, then got up to turn the main lights off so that Faith and Dean were in the dark.
He took out a notepad and starting taking down notes.
Faith
Faith rubbed her eyes, moving back a little so that she could nestle into Dean. Slightly. As she had her back to him.
"So," she said. "Were you a candy kid or a chocolate kid?"
Sam
Sam glanced across at her curiously, but decided to humor her.
"Candy," he replied, "gotta love rainbow belts."
Faith
"I loved those things," Faith said, smiling a little. "I was a candy kid too. And a popcorn kid."
She was quiet for a moment.
Sam
Sam continued with his writing, before glancing up at her again some time later.
"Not an easy sleeper, huh?" he guessed.
Faith
"Not really," Faith admitted. "To be honest, I've had trouble sleeping ever since I woke up from my coma."
She shrugged slightly.
Sam
Sam hesitated, then started fiddling with his pen.
"You were in a coma?" he asked.
Faith
"Yeah, for eight months."
Faith paused.
"It was... it wasn't really... I was a different person back then."
Sam
"I'm sorry," Sam shook his head.
"I don't mean to intrude. It's not my business."
He opened another web page.
Faith
"It's ok," Faith told him gently.
"It's not really a secret. They have volumes of texts devoted to me. Just look it up. Dark Slayer comma Faith."
Sam
Sam shook his head again.
"No, it wouldn't feel right," he insisted.
"It's all in the past anyway. Nothing to dwell on."
Faith
Faith nodded, rolling onto her back.
"Sorta."
Dean & Sam
Dean shifted a little to make up for the absence of Faith's back.
Sam opened his mouth to respond, but again it didn't feel right so he closed it. Instead he began murmuring some of the Latin wording on the transcripts he'd found, working out how to pronounce some of the words he didn't know.
Faith
"Do you ever feel like no matter how much good you're doing, it will never make up for the bad you've done?" Faith asked suddenly, rolling so she was facing Sam again.
Sam
Sam stopped to think about it.
"Sometimes," he nodded.
"I try not to think about it mostly."
Faith
Faith was quiet for a moment.
"Yeah... I mean, baby steps, right? At least Wesley is talking to me again. Only took him four years, but... it would've taken a me a hell of a lot longer, had I been in his position."
Sam
"You and Wes... had a falling out?" Sam raised an eyebrow, tapping his pencil on the notebook absently.
Faith
Faith smiled wryly.
"That's one way of putting it. I, uh, tortured him."
Sam
Sam froze for a moment, then sat up straighter.
"And he just... forgave you?" he looked confused.
Faith
"Well," Faith said, looking at the ground for a moment. "We were all different back then. Things changed. I think the only real reason he came to bust me out of jail was because he needed my help."
She paused.
"He didn't really get it before. Why I was the way I was."
Sam
Sam nodded.
"Different," he said, speculatively.
Faith
"Criminally insane, was how they put it," Faith said, closing her eyes for a moment.
"I could give a million and one excuses for why I was the way I was, but none of them really... none of them are good enough."
Sam
Sam shrugged.
"Still, that's the way it works," he pointed out.
"A lot of small things eventually building into something bigger. Like someone having a really bad day, only it spans out over years and it's a little more significant than losing your car keys."
Faith
"I guess," Faith agreed. "I just know that even though I'm trying to do the right thing, I know that girl that I was, she's still a part of me."
She paused again.
"But I know that it's not an option to go back to being her. I couldn't let Angel down like that."
Sam
"It'll get easier I'm sure, as time passes," Sam looked down for a moment, his hair falling in his face.
He flung it out of his eyes and closed his notebook.
"Maybe you'll even learn to live with it."
Faith
Faith regarded him carefully, eyes watching his every movement.
"I guess... the road to redemption is a rocky path."
Sam
"And the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, so we're all damned," Sam smiled ironically, going back through his web search and bookmarking sites for later.
Faith
"Well actually," Faith said, still watching him. "Hell's not that bad. Hot, yes. But, you learn to deal with it."
The painful memories were carefully masked with her casual tone.
Sam
"It must be different for slayers," Sam said absently before catching on.
"You've been to Hell?" he guled slightly.
Faith
"Yeah," Faith said.
"Back before Angel owned Wolfram and Hart... they... well, they didn't really like me that much due to a certain contract I broke. I was meant to kill Angel, ages ago. But, obviously, I didn't. So they sent me to hell. One of them. Angel's been to hell too."
Sam
"That's understandable, being a vampire," Sam shrugged.
His eyes scanned the curtains for a moment.
"Our Dad went to Hell. And... someone else we know, did too. Our Dad got out relatively unscathed, but he was only there a year."
Faith
"Angel was there for about 500 years," Faith said, shrugging. "I didn't know them at the time. I met him shortly after he came back."
She pulled the blanket closer to her.
"I was gone for a few years, only it was something like a month here. Depending on which hell dimension you get sent to, the time moves a little differently."
Sam
Sam shrugged.
"Well, it was a year our time," he said.
"I don't know what it was like for him in there. He just showed up, helped Dean kill the demon that killed our Mom, and he was gone again."
Faith
"I wish I'd gone to that one," Faith said softly.
"If it's not too personal... what happened to your Mom?"
Sam
Sam hesitated, glancing over at Dean as if to mentally ask his permission to tell. But what the hey, it was over with. For now anyway.
"The night of my six month birthday, a demon came to me," he began awkwardly, keeping his eyes down and away from her.
"Azazel. Mom walked into the nursery at the wrong time, and he... he pinned her to the ceiling and set her on fire."
He gulped slightly.
"Dad showed just in time to save me, but it was too late for her. And that's kind of what started this whole hunting gig for him. For all of us. Trying to track that demon down."
He started picking at his nails.
"And then three years ago, while I was at Stanford in pre-law, Dad went missing. Dean came to get me to help him find him, because I'd walked out on them a few years earlier. Turned out Azazel had raised his ugly head again and Dad had taken off after him. Anyway I had a ah... a law school interview the Monday morning so I could only spend the weekend with Dean. And when I got back, my girlfriend Jessica was on the ceiling..."
He bit his lip, fighting the urge to let his eyes well.
"And it caught fire," his voice cracked a little, "and again, Dean showed up in time to get me out. Jess wasn't so lucky."
He chucked a little.
"I just seem to have a bad success rate with women I guess," he shrugged.
Faith
Faith listened quietly, finally deciding against hugging him. She wasn't a hugger, and she was barely dressed and in bed with his brother. It might send mixed signals. And it might just make everything extremely awkward.
She was also trying to ignore how much she felt like crying after seeing him try not to cry.
"I turned to the evil side of the force and worked for a man who was going to transform into a demon. Just because he bought me things." She smiled slightly, trying to lighten the mood. "Guess I have Daddy issues."
Sam
"We make a good pair," Sam chuckled, before taking a deep breath.
"So... how did you get in with Angel? What made him decide to take over the role?"
Faith
Faith thought about the question for a long moment.
"I was lucky," she said simply, before elaborating. "Angel and I... we got off to a rocky start. I um... poisoned him to get him out of the way when... the Mayor, needed time to prepare for his ascension. The cure was Slayer's blood."
She wondered if he'd remember the other night.
"Buffy - the other Slayer - she came to my place, intending to kill me and feed me to Angel. Girl fight ensued, I got the pointy end of a knife, but I jumped off my roof before she could take me. I landed in a truck. Next thing I know, it's eight months later and the world... well, it wasn't how I thought it was going to be."
Her eyes were shining with tears that she refused to let out.
"The Mayor... he... he looked out for me, even though... he left me this device. And I switched bodies with Buffy. But ultimately, they found a way to switch us back and I ran away to LA. Coincidentally, that's where Angel was living. I was hired to kill him. He'd... he'd tried to save me before. Tried to talk me out of what I'd been doing, but I didn't want to hear about it, you know? I thought I was in control."
She took another deep breath.
"I realised that Angel wasn't going to fight me, and I wanted that. Guess I was a little suicidal. So, I knew to get him in the game, I had to hurt something close to him. Or someone. That's when I kidnapped Wesley and tortured him. I knew Angel would show up, that's what he does. We fought and... I begged him to kill me. Not my finest moment. But he... I guess he saw something in me, something that he knew he could save. So he took me in, protected me from the police until I was ready to turn myself in. And I did. He visited me though. I guess... I guess he understood me more than anyone else could. After all, he was working for the same thing. Forgiveness."
Sam
Sam let her tell the story, listening intently the entire time. When she finished he nodded.
"That make sense," he agreed, "that you'd find that common ground. He sounds like a great guy."
Faith
"He is," Faith said finally. "He's the one person who's never given up on me, so I don't want to let him down, you know? And even after we took that mystical mindwalk together, I still wanted to stick around. So I feel like I've evolved as a person."
Sam
"Well, it sounds like you have," Sam smiled in what he hoped was an encouraging manner.
"And from what I've seen so far, you're well on the way to redeeming yourself. I hope you can at least get to a point where you can start to forgive yourself."
Faith
Faith looked at him with oddly kind eyes.
"I think you know as well as I do that forgiving yourself is an entirely different matter altogether."
Sam
Sam lowered his eyes again.
"Yeah, I know," he agreed, "but I still hope for it. And I'll hope for you."
Faith
Faith was caught off guard by that statement.
"I think it's possible though," she said. "Just... a lot of work. Kind of like... controlling a beast inside of yourself. Like if you were a werewolf or something."
Sam
Sam blanched at the reference, and uncomfortably rubbed his hands together.
"Something like that," he agreed, his voice softer than before.
Faith
Faith noticed the sudden change in his voice.
"But even controlling the werewolf is harder than it seems," she said. "My friend... he... he loses control sometimes."
Sam
"But at least he's alive, huh?" Sam faked a small smile, badly.
"Where there's life there's hope."
Faith
"It's not a life," Faith said softly. "He lives in fear that he's going to lose control again, even when it's not a full moon."
She wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, but thought against it.
"It's not really a cure. This guy is one of the most stoic I've ever met, and he still loses control. You have to be in control of your emotions all the time. And that's... that's not a life."
Sam
"It could have at least bought us some time, that's all we needed," Sam shook his head, that earlier emotion sprouting up again.
"Time to find something else more... permanent."
Faith
Faith was quiet.
"It's no consolation, but sometimes... sometimes you have to let go."
Sam
"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Sam chuckled a little, wiping at his face.
"I guess I'm just... overtired or something. It was over a year ago now, I should be over it."
Faith
"Don't be sorry for having feelings," Faith said gently.
"I envy you, that you can still feel pain means you can still feel a lot of other emotions."
Sam
"Don't envy me," Sam shook his head sadly.
"There's too much you don't know."
Faith
"Everyone has their own inner demon, right?" Faith said softly.
"It's just the learning to live with it that gets you."
Sam
Sam decided he pretty much had to give her that one.
"Pretty much, yeah," he agreed with a nod.
He took a glance at the clock.
"I know we have to split in a few days, but I'll try and catch up with you in a week or so. I mean, if that's ok and all."
Faith
"Five by five."
Faith smiled lightly.
"Night Sam."
She rolled over and snuggled into Dean's back, sliding an arm around his waist.
Dean & Sam
"Night Faith," Sam smiled.
He closed his laptop and turned off the lamp, before making his way to his bed and laying over the top fully clothed. He stared at the ceiling for a good ten more minutes before slowly drifting off to sleep.
And meanwhile, Dean was mulling over their conversation...