Avery pressed the palm of her hand against the plane window, staring out at the clear blue sky. Her eyes closed as a reflex, recoiling away from the bright glare of the sky. She took a few deep breaths, telling herself she was doing the right thing by going back to Tulsa for Easter.
It would be ok to see her family. It would be ok to pretend to be that girl, just for the weekend. It didn't mean she'd have to stay there forever, it didn't mean she had to go back to the station. She would just stay there for the weekend, then pack up more of her things and go back to the Dorian's house.
JD's house.
JD.
She smiled at the thought of JD. Somehow, he'd become her best friend, her older brother, her confidant while she'd been away from home and so scared. In unfamiliar territory, he felt like home. And in a way, while he helped her, she was helping him. She was starting to find her feet again, was able to use her telepathy without feeling so full of dread. There was no fear in her power anymore.
Avery reached into her bag, as the seatbelt light flicked off, and retrieved her iPod. She put the plug into her ears and leant back in her seat, shuffling through her songs and relaxing. Her head bopped in time to the music and she closed her eyes, lost in thought.
Everybody hurts, everybody aches, everybody falls, everybody breaks, just breathe... let it out and breathe...
She was aware that her telepathy skill was growing... she was able to hear the thoughts of people from a lot further away. And with those people she was close to, with whom she shared a special bond, a close friendship, she could hear them almost all the time, no matter where she was in reference to them. It was a new feeling, being able to have this amount of range on her power, this new degree of skill.
But even though her skills were expanding somewhat, she didn't want to go back to the station. Not now, at least. She knew Tanya would probably want her to, she'd want to continue with Avery's lessons, and in the back of Avery's mind she knew she should, it was just too hard to be there at the moment. She wondered briefly if she'd hurt Libby and the boys, when she just took off without saying goodbye... without saying sorry for almost ripping Dan's mind into shreds, just because they were fighting, just because she knew she could...
It didn't really matter where she was, that stupid fight with Dan kept coming back to her. She still remembered her anger and then her disgust at herself, that she could even think about doing such a thing. And even though it wasn't the best thing she could've done, she fled. Got the hell out of there in the hopes that if she changed the scenary, she'd change the situation.
Was it working?
Only time would tell right now. In her heart, Avery knew she couldn't run and hide forever, and she fully intended to go back and finish her training... and she would apologise to Dan. She'd send a letter to him, because that's all she could offer right now. She couldn't face him in person. She wasn't ready. She knew it deep down, it was there along with a feeling of regret, and it weighed her down. Weighed her down every day.
But she was only 13! She wasn't supposed to have these types of burdens. She wasn't meant to kill the villian who had been number one on the wanted list. That job was for adults, for the council, not for a little girl. She did it to save her family. Not the world. The world didn't even factor into her thoughts back then.
With heinsight, Avery supposed she probably HAD meant to kill him. Her intention at the time, in her own mind, was to fight him. Get him out of Zac's head and maybe hurt him enough so he'd run, or stall him before the YIRAAS showed up... but she knew now that she'd probably had meant to kill him. There was no way the Eye would've run, he would've killed her, or stayed to fight her to the death. His death. But he wouldn't've left, and so there was no way she could've left either. One of them would've died that day, either way.
And it was something she'd always have to live with.
It didn't matter to her that he was "the bad guy", it all came down to the fact that regardless of how he'd chosen to use his power, to spend his life, she had killed another person. Another alien. Good intentions or not. After all, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, wasn't that something Diana had always said when she'd done something bad as a child?
Avery opened her eyes and stared out the window again, tapping her fingers on the armrest in time to the music.
She'd be in Tulsa in a few hours, and she would have to face her worst fear.
Herself.