Mouse
Mouse hesitantly dialled Taylor's number.
He was going to hate her.
Taylor
Taylor was staring at the wall beside his bed when he heard his phone ring. He cringed.
Damn that was loud.
Groaning to himself, and not wanting to talk to anyone until he got rid of this blasted headache, he picke dup the phone and answered.
"Hello?" he said softly.
Mouse
"H-h-hello?" Mouse stuttered softly.
Oh god. She felt like she was going to throw up.
Taylor
Taylor's heard skipped a beat, memories of the night before instantly jumping his mind.
He lay down on his side again facing the wall.
"Well... you're the last person I expected to hear from."
Mouse
Mouse closed her eyes for a moment. Zac must have spoken to him.
She was right, he hated her.
"Taylor, I..."
Taylor
"Stop yelling," Taylor rubbed his face.
"That's the least you could do after this."
Mouse
Mouse hesitated for a moment.
"I'm not yelling."
She shook her head; she was getting distracted.
"Taylor, for what it's worth...probably very little, I'm sorry about what happened between me and Zac."
Taylor
"You are yelling," Taylor frowned, closing his eyes.
"And I don't care."
Mouse
"I'm sorry," Mouse said in an even quieter voice.
"I just...I don't understand."
Taylor
"Now what?" Taylor groaned.
"What's not to understand?"
Mouse
Mouse considered this for a moment.
"Well, people in general. Confusing things, people. But in particular at this moment, I don't understand you."
Taylor
"Join the club. No one does."
He twined his fingers through his sheets, imagining himself holding her.
"Not even me. But I don't know how to understand anything anymore."
Mouse
"You're not feeling any better?" Mouse asked softly.
Distraction was her friend. Good shiny distraction.
Taylor
"It's only getting worse," Taylor replied softly.
"I'm kinda scared that... one day I'll wake up, and I won't have any control at all."
Mouse
Mouse sighed slightly, worried for him.
"You'll find something. To help you stay in control."
Taylor
"I don't want to kid myself," Taylor closed his eyes again.
"There's nothing on the horizon, and I don't want to hang onto false hopes anymore."
Mouse
Mouse bit her lip.
"I wish I knew how to help..."
Taylor
"You can't. No one here can," Taylor insisted.
"I'm surprised you hung around this long anyway."
Mouse
"What..."
Mouse took a breath.
"What happened with Zac was a mistake. He only came over to talk...because of Faith a-and Logan and that messed up thing.I just wanted to help."
In a quieter voice.
"If you...don't want me to be around any more at all because of this, you've only got to say."
Taylor
Taylor hesitated, grinding his teeth.
"I'm not out to dictate your life Jane," he frowned.
He shifted slightly.
"You know, you know the thing that hurts most in this?" he almost chuckled, "apart from the fact that I was cheated on and all... it's that Zac chose you over his own family to go to. Like he doesn't trust us or something. I know he and I haven't been... close for some time, but still."
Mouse
"I don't know why he did...just that he did," Mouse said.
"I don't know...maybe he wanted to talk it out with someone else for a bit. Maybe he wanted to talk about it to an empath who wasn't his mother. He's my friend, Taylor...one of my very, very few friends who actually walks on two feet rather then four paws. I just wanted him not to hurt so much anymore. It kinda got out of hand."
Taylor
"Kind of," Taylor almost snorted.
"When I needed to talk to someone on two legs I went to a counsellor. Not my fucking brother's fiance`. I just... he..."
Taylor bit his lip, his headache worsening as his eyes welled up.
"He's pushed me before. He really has. But this is getting too much and I don't know how much more I can take."
Mouse
Mouse blinked back tears.
"I'm so sorry, Taylor."
Oh god, she didn't know what she was doing. She was flailing around in deep water without any help, waiting for someone to throw her a line. Relationships, she didn't understand.
Taylor
"It doesn't matter," Taylor sat up, keeping his eyes straight ahead of him.
He spotted the empty bottle of kero and rubbed his face.
"I've been thinking," he began softly, closing his eyes from his headache again.
"About Blakesley. If he's totally... into research. I mean, he's a scientist. Maybe I could help him out or something."
Mouse
"N-no!"
Mouse felt her adrenaline spike in reaction to the surge of fear that name brought up.
"What Blakesley's into, is *pain*. He goes on about research, but he just wants to see something squirm. Don't go looking for him, please. It's my fault he's even interested in you, knows you exist and if anythig ever happened to you because of that, I'd never forgive myself."
Taylor
Taylor jumped at her exclamation and cringed at the paini n his head.
"I'll be right back."
He put the phone down, then went to fill the kero bottle from the drum he had. Having done that, he had a drink, then picked the phone up again.
"Like I said, it was just a thought," he shrugged quietly.
"But if it happens it's my decision. It has nothing to do with you. And there's nothing to say I wouldn't deserve anything that happens to me."
Mouse
"How can anyone deserve being under Blakesley's hands?" Mouse asked.
"Except for possibly the Eye but even then..."
Taylor
"I need to hurt more," Taylor shook his head.
"Though it doesn't take it away it distracts me from the mental and emotional pain."
He had another drink.
Mouse
"That's not a good thing to get trapped into," Mouse said in a low voice.
"Trust me on this."
Taylor
"It might not be good, but give me some reasons why I shouldn't," Taylor challenged.
"The only thing I'm good for at the moment is writing music, and I don't know how much longer I can stay in the same room as Zac."
Mouse
"Oh god..."
Mouse hung her head. She didn't know what to do.
"S'il te plait, cher..."
Taylor
"What?" Taylor demanded.
He reached over and picked up his acoustic guitar, bringing it into his lap. He ran his fingers down the strings, closing his eyes.
Mouse
"Please...just don't do anything too stupid," Mouse sighed.
Taylor
"And what else do you consider 'too stupid'?" Taylor's eyes narrowed.
"Not that your opinion will count for much in the state of mind I'll no doubt be in."
Mouse
Mouse felt a brief flash of anger, and quelled it immediately.
"Being caught by Blakesley is something I'd call f*cking stupid."
However not quick enough to quell that sharp, bitter retort.
Taylor
Taylor sat forward and put the guitar down in front of him.
"Well until someone gives me a damn good reason not to, I don't give a crap. As far as things go, I won't be missed. I'm not my own person anymore, and if that was ever rectified it would take anything from months to years and I can't wait that long to get control over my own body again. I'd sooner die."
Mouse
"You'd be missed, Taylor. Probably more then you know. And if you were thinking straight, you'd know that!"
Mouse bit her lip.
"There's nothing a telepath or someone like that could do to help?"
Taylor
"Tanya's still working on it," Taylor bit his fist, his elbow leaning on his knee.
"But that'll take over a year at least. And she has a baby coming now. There's no cure for the short term."
He closed his eyes.
Mouse
"Sometimes things need to take longer," Mouse said.
"Why won't you wait?"
Taylor
"I can't," Taylor shook his head, "I can't wait. One of these days I'm going to really hurt someone, maybe... maybe even kill someone."
He gulped, thinking of Ronnie. He'd hardly been pushed then.
"There's no way I could live with that again."
Mouse
"And how does not getting healed help that not happen?" Mouse asked.
"Forgive me for not understanding your logic here."
Taylor
"As long as I'm here, I am being healed," Taylor frowned.
"But it's not getting any easier and I am so close to breaking. If I was shut away, I wouldn't have to worry about anything. Or anyone."
Mouse
"I can undertand that..."
And she did. Part of why she felt so itchy at the moment. She wanted to get away from everyone, but she was trapped.
Mouse sighed.
"Do what you have to do."
Taylor
Taylor closed his eyes, and finally leant his head back.
"Thank you," he said softly.
Then he cringed and looked toward the window, before having another drink of kero.
"No one knows. I'd prefer it if they didn't."
Mouse
"I won't tell them you're going," Mouse said softly.
"You know Steel will probably know where you go. Bastard seems to know everything."
Taylor
"I don't care. By the time he finds out I'll be gone," Taylor said softly.
He bit his nails for a moment.
"There's something I need to tell you. And it's only because I'm not completely myself that I'm able to."
Mouse
"What?" Mouse asked, dreading the answer.
What could he want to tell her?
Taylor
"Well... you know how Craig called before I got back from Australia and left that message on your voicemail?"
He took a deep breath.
"You didn't detect any hint of guilt, did you? I think you were too overrun with the 'I have to kill him' vibes."
Mouse
"I'm still running on the 'have to kill him' vibes, but he's already dead," Mouse growled.
"But no, I didn't sense any guilt. I don't think a man like Craig could feel guilt."
Taylor
Taylor rolled his eyes.
"You can't sense guilt over the phone," he scorned, though his voice was still soft.
"I meant from me."
Mouse
"From you?"
Mouse thought back carefully.
"Yes..."
Taylor
"You'll remember about this time last year when I was taken," Taylor rubbed his face.
"I was... defending you. Told him you were hunting him. And I mentioned your parents. It took him a moment, but he remembered them. He told me he'd killed them because they'd stopped working for him. Because they had you to look after."
Mouse
"I don't..."
Mouse felt her breath catch in her throat for a moment.
"How cruel. How very selfish of him. Couldn't he have just let them go?"
Taylor
"It's what he deems as punishment for whoever stops working for him. But he normally doesn't do it himself," Taylor shrugged.
He frowned.
"Which was kind of weird. But he said they were like, his absolute best operatives or something."
Mouse
"Bastard," Mouse said bitterly.
"I hate him."
Taylor
"It's not like he expected you to like him," Taylor pointed out.
"And I'm not sure if I've heard of him purposely doing something nice for anyone. I mean for all we know he could have been blackmailed into taking Christian in."
Mouse
"Do we have to talk about him?" Mouse asked.
"He's dead. Thank god. Even if I wish Avey hadn't killed him, I'm glad he's dead."
Taylor
"Fair enough," Taylor shrugged, having another drink of kero.
He should be on the way to tipsy soon enough, then he could live out the day without any pain.
"Have you actually killed anyone before?"
Mouse
"Yes," Mouse said flatly.
"Someone tried to shot Fafnir. I walked up behind him and slit his throat. And then there's the fire. I don't know how many people got caught in that."
Taylor
Taylor nodded to himself.
"I probably wouldn't cause as much blood loss, but heck. Everyone has different preferences."
Mouse
"Why the sudden interest, cher?" Mouse asked.
"Why do you want to hear about what I did to survive, best I could? That time is behind me...for now."
Taylor
"I'm not asking about you surviving, I'm asking about death," Taylor shook some hair out of his eyes as he had another drink.
"It's just been on my mind a lot lately, that's all."
Mouse
"Death happens," Mouse said.
"Mostly I try not to think about it. I've come too close to it too many times."
Taylor
"Yeah, you're not the only one," Taylor agreed.
"Although that was mostly suicidal tendencies."
Mouse
Mouse nodded slightly.
"You know, restraining those is usually a good thing."
Taylor
"Depends on the situation," Taylor shrugged, "and whether you decide at the time if life is worth living."
He had another drink of kero.
Mouse
"I guess..."
Mouse sighed.
Taylor
"Already contemplated it this morning," Taylor raised his eyebrows.
"And I'm not quite sure what's stopping me. Maybe it's Ike. Or Avie. But this is nothing compared to when I was younger."
Mouse
Mouse threaded her fingers through the phone cord, unsure what to say. She didn't want him to hurt himself, she loved him. But she wasn't sure exactly what she could say anymore...everything had changed so much.
"Perhaps. Or maybe you don't want to die as badly as you think."
Taylor
"One persona does more than the other," Taylor chuckled.
"But I wouldn't expect anyone to understand the technicalities involved in that. When I was younger, it was the music and family that kept me going. And now... that's sorta halved in both aspects."
Mouse
"How is everyone?" Mouse asked softly.
"Is Avery...feeling any better?"
Taylor
"I got her out of her room, and we had a food fight in the kitchen," Taylor grinned.
"Our hair still has a bit of purple in it. Dye was involved."
Mouse
"I see," Mouse said.
"So, out of pure embarrassment, you're staying in the house. Purple hair..."
Taylor
"Christ Mouse, I've left the house," Taylor frowned.
"And you can hardly notice it anyway. I just stay in my room so my parents don't realize what I'm doing."
His eyes shot to the door for a second as Mya squeezed under the door.
Mouse
"Brooding," Mouse said.
"Thinking about death. Not a very healthy way to spend the time."
Taylor
"I'm beginning to wonder if you actually knew me at all," Taylor looked confused.
"I'm not brooding. I just don't think they'd like to know that I'm either drunk or high 24/7. What parent wants to know that?"
Mouse
"Well, since we're not exactly spending time together at all anymore, I don't know," Mouse spat.
"All I have to go off is this phone conversation. You asked me about Craig. You told me about why my parents died. You asked me if I'd ever killed someone. You said you're feeling suicidal and have been in the past. You f*cking tell me, Taylor. Because I don't think I know this version of you."
Taylor
"Because I am not myself," Taylor leant forward.
"I haven't been myself for a long time, and I will not be back to that for months. That's why I'm freaking out."
He hesitated and rubbed his chin.
"I promised to come back to you, and I was going to. I told myself that every minute of every hour of the day. I still love you, and I probably always will."
Mouse
"And now?" Mouse asked softly.
"You said you were going to come back."
Taylor
Taylor's eyebrows rose.
"And you think I can just excuse everything that's happened?" he asked incredulously.
"Opposites attract Jane. It may mean stuff all to you, but it means everything to me. In a sense you wrecked my life. But in another..."
He chewed his bottom lip.
"Now that I've lived it I don't think I could have lived without knowing you."
Mouse
"Taylor, I love you," Mouse said brokenly.
"I'm not expecting you to excuse what happened with Zac...I just..."
She pressed her fingers to her eyes, very close to crying.
Taylor
Taylor licked his lips for a moment as Mya appeared on the bed.
"I'll come and get Meena and Xanthe sometime in the next few days. You can keep the house as your own," he said softly.
He stroked Mya as tears sprang to her eyes, showing the emotion that he couldn't.
"I'll have to leave the larger of my stuff there until I find somewhere else."
Mouse
"Taylor, please..." Mouse choked out.
"Please....I'm sorry, god, I'm so sorry...don't leave me, please..."
Taylor
Taylor sighed.
"Long term relationships need to be built on trust," he said finally, "and if we can't trust each other, then who can we?"
He tickled Mya under her chin, trying to cheer her up.
"I just never thought I'd be cheated on. Never thought I'd be capable of rape," he rolled his eyes, "but you know, we don't suit each other anymore. Maybe once..."
Mouse
Mouse let the tears begin to fall.
"Cher..."
God, she couldn't do this. Not without him.
"If that's the way you really feel...I won't tie you to me."
She carefully started to remove her empathic link with him, withdrawing back into herself. Weeping.
Taylor
"Jane, I haven't felt you for a long time," Taylor shook his head.
"If I had, I would have known about you and... and Zac even before it happened. I'm not even sure when it stopped. But I know this connection didn't have anything to do with your power - it just might have fuelled it."
Mouse
Probably just Pack link. Finished. Cut.
Mouse swallowed.
"Done then. Goodbye, Taylor."
She gently put the phone down and curled up around herself, crying hard. Fafnir made his way next to her and she latched on desperately, fingers curling through his fur.
God, this hurt so bad.
Taylor
Taylor hesitated, then stared at the phone for a moment.
He looked down at Mya who was fully crying now.
"She hung up on me," he said softly, before putting the phone down, "I'll go and get your mother and sister soon. But not today."
He had another drink of kero, before laying down again. He felt so drained. Now that Mouse was sorted, he only had two or three things to say goodbye to.
Mya cuddled in to his chest and sighed.