Zac
Zac knocked on Taylor's door. Well, he had just told Isaac the news, now the really hard part was in hand.
Telling Taylor he had slept with his fiance.
He chewed his lip nervously.
Taylor
Taylor vaguely heard a knock at the door. Thinking it might be one of his parents, he hid the bottle of kero down behind his desk, ran his fingers through his hair, and cleared his throat.
"Come in," he managed to keep his voice steady.
He tried to stop his eyes drooping.
Zac
Zac stepped inside.
"Hi Tay," he said as cheerfully as he could muster. "And how are you this fine, fine day?"
Taylor
Taylor gave him a confused look, before looking towards the window.
"It's still day time?" he swayed slightly.
"It was like that yesterday too. Close the door."
Zac
Zac closed the door.
"Tay? Are you okay?" he asked.
Taylor
Taylor laughed.
"I'm fine. Just fine," he grinned to himself.
Now that the door was closed, he pulled the bottle of kero out again and had another drink.
"And yourself?"
Zac
"Oh, I'm good," Zac nodded. "Well, okay, actually I'm not. Faith..."
Damn those tears, why were they welling up again?
"Faith left me."
Taylor
Taylor hesitated, taking a while for it sink in.
"Come here."
He stood up and stumbled a little as he went over to hug his little brother.
Zac
Zac hesitated, then hugged Tay back.
"I... I haven't... that's not all Tay."
And now the impending feeling of guilt sets in.
"I... I..."
"Just tell him!"
Taylor
Taylor let go and leant on Zac's shoulders to keep himself steady.
"You did... sumtin'?" he raised an eyebrow, swaying.
Zac
Zac nodded, only barely aware of the stench of kero on his brother.
"After I walked in on Faith and... and Logan... in the... doing... that. I, I coulnd't hink straight. I needed to talk to someone and I, I went to Mouse."
He gulped.
Taylor
Taylor nodded.
"Mouse is good to go to when feeling down. They unnerstand 'lot."
He looked over at his desk before sitting back on his bed.
"Get sorted?"
Zac
Zac licked his lips.
"Well, ahh, yes and no..." he gulped. "I... I, ahh... slept with Mouse."
Each word grew quieter so that 'Mouse' was barely above a whisper.
Taylor
Taylor raised one eyebrow at him, then leant up and slapped his brother ont he shoulder.
"You slept with a... mouse?" he slurred.
He chuckled.
"How the hell did you get your dick into something that small? Damn you're good."
Zac
Zac looked at his brother incredulously.
"Tay, for one thing, my dick wouldn't fit. For another, I'm not into that kind of thing. And for another... I meant Mouse. You know, Jane. Your fiancee."
Taylor
Taylor's grin faded, replaced by a look of curiosity.
"My fiance?" he raised an eyebrow.
"But you wouldn't do that. You're my brother. And she loves me. I think..."
Zac
"Yes, yes she does love you Tay," Zac said. "And I wish, I wish we hadn't done... that. You are my brother Tay, and she is your fiancee, and I am so, so, so, so, so unbelieveably sorry. Things were never meant to go that far."
Taylor
Taylor head started shaking.
"No, no..." he began sullenly as it finally started to hit.
He stood up and put his hand on his head.
"No, you can't... she can't... you...."
He looked up at his brother.
"You didn't have enough? You had to go after mine?"
His voice was getting more and more normal, as if his brother's words alone had begun to sober him up.
Zac
"I didn't go after her. I... I just needed someone to talk to... and it got a little out of hand," Zac replied. "Tay, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!"
He put his hands on Taylor's shoulders.
Taylor
Taylor threw his hands off him and stepped away.
"Things..." he began, his voice croaking.
"Things like this don't just... 'get out of hand'. And don't give me something like 'I had no choice'. These things don't get out of hand! You were in control of your own body, weren't you?!"
Zac
Zac bit back a sharp retort.
"You have every right to be angry," he said, uncharacteristcally docile.
Taylor
Taylor whined like a dog, looking like he was holding himself back from at least strangling his brother.
"Maybe... maybe it wouldn't have been too bad if she was just my girlfriend," he raised his eyebrows talking quietly.
"But she was my fiance. We were bound with a kind of connection you just can't find elsewhere. And you've broken that."
Zac
"I've broken that?" Zac repeated. "Hey if you hadn't been so stupid as to leave her in the first place, things might not have gone that far. She a living, breathing, feeling person, in case you hadn't noticed. Maybe I broke it, but I didn't do it on my own."
Taylor
"I didn't LEAVE her!" Taylor exclaimed.
"I was going back to her. I told her that. She knew that! The only reason I'm not living with her is because I can't trust myself at the moment!"
He hesitated.
"And now I can't even trust you. And maybe even her."
Zac
"You don't get it do you Taylor? When you're in a tight spot you don't run from the ones you love. You run too them. Because they're the ones who want the most to help you," Zac shook his head. "And in any case, there's a difference between words and actions. And you left her. You left her, damn it! Do you have any idea how that feels? Wondering, always wondering if it was something you said or did. Wondering if you're forgotten to appologise for something. Wondering what the hell you did wrong!"
Taylor
Taylor shook his head.
"She knows it wasn't her fault. I told her that so many times. It's always my fault, because I'm just plain f*cked."
He ran his fingers through his hair and put his hands on his hips.
"So much for the ones you love trying to help you. You went to her instead of us. The ones that have always been there for you."
He say down suddenly on his chair and just stared at the desk.
"You see someone else take the person you love away... and then go and do exactly the same thing to your own brother."
Zac
"Mouse has helped me with Faith problems before," Zac glowered. "And I wasn't exactly planning on sleeping with her, dang it! I swear, Tay, if I had had any idea things might go that way, I wouldn't have gone to see her. I value you - and Mouse - too much to intensionally do something to hurt you. But I..."
Zac shook his head.
"Y'know what Tay? If it makes you feel better, just hit me. I mean let's face it, everyone knows I'm some kind of sex addict so obviously I should have known better than to go to a woman when I was feeling depressed."
Taylor
Taylor just leant his elbow on his desk and started biting his nails.
"I'd only be encouraging my violent tendencies," he said finally, with just enough self control not to do as Zac had suggested.
His eyes wouldn't even tear up, as they would normally.
"I know that you know you were wrong, but it doesn't mean you can't do something like this again."
Zac
Zac nodded slowly.
"No," he agreed softly. "But it does give me more reason to clean up my act."
Taylor
"When you've been given so many chances already."
Taylor took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
"I love you Zac. I always have and I always will, and I will always be there for you," he began softly.
"And I know we haven't been on good terms for a couple of years now, and we've been giving each other a lot of crap. But things are just getting too big to forgive."
Zac
Zac nodded.
"It's okay, Tay," he said. "Were our place reversed, I probably wouldn't forgive me either. But I didn't come here for forgiveness Tay. I came here because... because just because I suck at handling relationships of any description doesn't mean I don't try. I came here because I wanted to be honest. Because I believed you had a right to know. And because if you should blame anyone for what happened, it should be me. Not Mouse. Not even the littlest bit."
Taylor
Taylor bit his lip.
"I know," he said finally.
Then he looked up at Zac again.
"Zac... I love you, but I don't like you. I haven't liked you for a long time, and I'm sure you have no idea how much it kills me to say that."
He looked down at the desk again before realizing he was shaking - although he wasn't sure what from.
"And even that's dulled by how much kero I've had today."
Zac
"Yeah, well, I love ya too," Zac said. "But you're right, we haven't gotten along as well as we used to for sometime now. Guess I just ruined any chance of us changing that anytime soon, huh?"
He was quiet for a moment.
"Maybe I should go. Let you get back to your drinking."
Taylor
Taylor gulped, before getting up again.
Then he went to hug Zac.
"Whatever happens, you're still my little brother."
Zac
Zac paused for a moment and then hugged Taylor back.
"Thanks," he said quietly. "And Tay? Please... please don't learn any lessons about drinking too much the hard way, okay?"
Taylor
"Face it Zac," Taylor began.
"There's nothing kero could make me do that I wouldn't without it."
He bit his lip again at the thought, before one of his eyes did begin to tear up.
Zac
"No, but it can make you more likely to do it," Zac replied quiety, thinking of Desiree.
Not that he hated Dee Dee or anything, just that he shouldn't have gotten her pregnant in the first place.
Taylor
"If I lock the door before I really get drunk, then I'll probably forget how to open it anyway."
Taylor finally stepped back and rubbed his nose.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry too."
Zac
Zac nodded.
"Well," he said. "Later, Tay."
And he turned and headed for the door.
Taylor
Taylor waited until he'd closed the door after himself, before sitting at his desk again.
He stared at it for a moment, before laughing at himself.