10 January 2004 - Bored Hobbits

Written by Nessa and Tegan

Gwen

Pippin and Merry looked around as they ran around from behind a tent, over to Gandalf's cart.

"There," Pippin whispered, pointing at the opened compartment.

"Can you reach?" Merry asked softly.

"Of course I can!" Pippin crept up to the cart and reached up. "Maybe not. Can ye - "

Merry hoisted Pippin up and threw him into the back of the wagon.

"I found it!"

Merry grinned. "Come on then!"

Pippin grabbed the little pouch and jumped out of the cart, grabbing Merry's hand and reaching into the pouch.

"We're bored and we wish to bring Gwen and Mordred back here!"

Pippin threw the dust on the ground and waited, grinning in delight as Gwen and Mordred suddenly appeared, holding Bryant and Eavan and Faolan.

"Uh..." Gwen began.

"It worked!" Merry yelled and pounced on her, joined by Pippin.

"YAY!"


Mordred

"What the hell?!" Mordred said, rather loudly.

"Why are there hobbits? What the f*ck happened?"


Gwen

"We worked out how to use Gandalf's power," Merry explained, still hugging Gwen.

"O...k. Well... won't he be sort of angry when he - "

"PEREGRIN TOOK! MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK!" Gandalf thundered.

"Eeep!" Merry and Pippin squealed, hugging Gwen tightly.


Mordred

"You guys are in such deep shit," Mordred said.

"Oh well, we wanted to come over here anyway."


Gwen

"Ah, Mordred, Gwen, good to see you all again," Gandalf said pleasantly.

Gwen managed to get to her feet, brushing the dirt off her. "And to you, Gandalf."

Pippin and Merry winced slightly and stood behind Gwen.

"Pleasedon'thurtusGandalf,wejustwantedtoseethemagain,becausewemissedt hemandyouheardMordredtheywantedtocomeherealreadyand - " Pippin said quickly.


Mordred

"Don't talk! You'll make it worse!" Merry said.

"Start running! Very fast!"

Mordred chuckled slightly and shook Gandalf's hand.

"Good to see you again, Gandalf."


Gwen

Pippin nodded, and took Merry's hand as they bolted from the scene of the crime.

"Well... they meant well," Gwen said, thinking she may as well fight their case.


Mordred

"And they're very cute, in a hobbity way," Mordred said seriously.

Gandalf chuckled, then frowned.

"It still does not excuse them."


Gwen

"True, but maybe just this once."

Gwen smiled charmingly at Gandalf.

Bryant and Eavan looked around in wonder.


Mordred

"That's right! You guys don't remember, cos you were really little when we were here last," Faolan said.

"This place rocks! Even if it doesn't have electricitty, so I can't play my PS2."

"Oh my, however will you cope?" Mordred said dryly.

Faolan poked his tongue out at Mordred.


Gwen

Gwen shook her head slightly at Faolan as Legolas appeared from around the corner.

"Merry and Pippin are hiding in a tree, and I was just wondering - oh, hello."

"Hey," Gwen greeted.

"Well that explains why they're in the tree."


Mordred

"Yeah, cos Gwen's scary," Mordred said, and tensed himself for the hit.

"Hey!"

Faolan bounced over to Legolas and grinned.


Gwen

Gwen narrowed her eyes and smacked him over the head.

"Meanie."

Legolas grinned and bent to pick Faolan up.

"Hello again."

"Hey, where's Frodo and Sam?" Gwen asked suddenly.

"Here," Frodo said, Sam in tow, with Merry and Pippin hiding behind him, looking sheepish.


Mordred

Mordred shrugged slightly, rubbing his head.

"I had to say it, or it would never have been said."

Faolan purred happily.

"Sam! Frodo! Yay!"

Eavan and Bryant stared with big eyes.


Gwen

"You remember them, don't you, Eavie? Bry? They looked after you," Gwen said, bending down slightly.

"We missed you!" Pippin said again, pouncing on Gwen and knocking her over.


Mordred

"And Gwen's so glad, aren't you, Gwen?" Mordred said.

Faolan wrapped his arms around Legolas's neck and giggled.

"They're all cool Eavy, Bry. Really."


Gwen

"Yes, I am. I am very happy if it means you get off me now," Gwen said, sitting up. She whispered in Pippin's ear and he grinned, then nudged Merry.

A few seconds later, they both pounced and knocked Mordred to the ground.

"FOR THE SHIRE!"


Mordred

Mordred grunted as he hit the ground.

"Yeah, for the bloody Shire. Gerroff!"


Gwen

"Oh, he's scary," Merry said and he and Pippin jumped off.

"Yeah, he's all growly," Gwen replied, nodding. "It happens sometimes. Not that I'm complaining."

"Merry?"

"Yes, Pip?"

"I'm hungry."


Mordred

Mordred looked at the sky for a few moments.

"You know, the sky's bluer here."

"Less pollution," Faolan said wisely.


Gwen

"A total of like no pollution," Gwen chimed in. "Garden looks good."

"Er... thank you," Sam said, blushing.

"Oooh, Sam's embarressed!" Pippin exclaimed.


Mordred

"How's Rosie, Sam?" Mordred asked as he got up.

He brushed himself off slightly. Sam blushed harder.


Gwen

"Ooohh faaaaiiirrr Rooooosieeeeee!" Pippin grinned. "We can go see her tonight!"

Gwen chuckled and shook her head slightly.

"Fancy a horse ride?" Legolas asked them.

"Oh yeah! Frodo?" Gwen turned pleading eyes onto the Hobbit.

"Yes, I will mind them," Frodo said, smiling.

"Rock! Come on elf!" Gwen raced off.


Mordred

Faolan's eyes gleamed as Legolas set him down, then ran after Gwen.

"I like horses. They taste good."

"When have you eaten horse?" Mordred asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"


Gwen

Legolas and Gwen saddled up and started to race through a large field in Hobbiton. They slowed down and chatted lazily in elvish, joking and laughing about anything they thought of.

Merry nodded wisely.

"They'll be good friends forever."

"Like me and you, Merry!" Pippin said, grinning.


Mordred

"At least they're civilised," Mordred said.

"Well, Legolas is. Gwen's something else entirely."

Faolan sidled up to Merry and Pippin.

"Let's go get something to eat."

"A lad after my own heart!" Merry said.

"Fantastic idea," Pippin agreed.


Gwen

Legolas and Gwen hopped off their horses and sent them back to Frodo, while they proceeded to race across the field. Gwen landed on her ankle and twisted it badly.

"Owie!"

"Are you ok?"

"Do I look ok?"

Legolas looked down at her foot to see it swelling. "Can you walk on it?"

Gwen tried and squealed. "That's a negative."

He lifted her up and started to carry her back to everyone else.

"You know, that probably wasn't the best idea."

"Hey, it was your idea to race, I was simply indulging you."

They reached the others shortly.

"We're going to eat," Pippin announced.


Frodo and Merry

"At...Frodo's house!" Merry said.

Frodo looked startled.

"What?"

"Well, obviously you have more food," Merry said.


Gwen

"No, that's good, I can take Gwen to bed there," Legolas said.

Gwen snickered. "Worst choice of words, elf."


Mordred

Mordred's eyes flared gold.

"Touch her like that and die."

Legolas looked startled.

"You misunderstood me..."


Gwen

"Come on, let's go to Bag End so Legolas can take me to bed... but not in the sexual context."

Gwen grinned.

Legolas shook his head slightly.

"Do you want to walk?"

"Oh you wouldn't make me, you lurve me too much."


Mordred

Mordred growled softly.

"Scary," Merry observed.

"Maybe you should just give Gwen to the very scary human, Legolas."


Gwen

"Good idea."

Legolas set Gwen gently to her feet.

"Owie."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I'll survive," Gwen leaned on Legolas's shoulder while waiting for Mordred.


Mordred

Mordred walked over and picked her up.

"What happened?"

His glare at Legolas promised death for allowing Gwen to get hurt. He started to walk to Bag End.


Gwen

"Weeeeellll, see, a certain elf challenged me to a race, and as I was running, my ankle twisted."

Gwen rested her head on Mordred's shoulder.

"And then he tried to make me walk on it."

"I did not," Legolas said softly.

"Maybe not in your version."


Mordred

"Dead elf," Mordred said.

He kissed her forehead.

"Would that make you feel better?"

The hobbits all took a careful step away from Legolas.


Gwen

Gwen grinned.

"Maybeeeee."

"Gwen!" Legolas frowned.

"Alright, no. Don't kill him. Just growl. Because it's your fault."

"It is not!"

"Is so."


Mordred

"Can I maim him?" Mordred asked.

"No!" Legolas said.

"You're not part of the descion making, elf."


Gwen

"Better not."

Gwen grinned.

"Don't worry Legolas, I wouldn't let him hurt you. Unless of course you hurt me, in which case I would let him kill you."

"She's very reassuring," Pippin said, nodding.


MOrdred

"She's very special," Mordred said.

He kissed her gently.

Faolan made a disgusted noise.

"Can't you two ever leave off?"

"That's your problem with being an empath."

"I've been talking to Bek. Oh, whoops. Bye bye arousal. And I don't remember how to turn it back on. My bad!"


Gwen

Gwen pouted.

"My ankle hurts and I have no sex to look forward to."

She grinned as she saw Bag End.

"Yay! Bag End!"


Faolan

"Poor old Mum," Faolan said insincerely.

Merry and Pippin took a step away from Faolan.

"Oh, she's not gonna hurt me. She can't catch me. And besides, then I'd just turn her off. And then forget."


Mordred

"Awww, I'm not old."

Gwen pouted again.

Frodo chuckled slightly as he went to open the doors.

"Same room as always."

"Oh, now I have Mordred taking me to bed and not Legolas."

Gwen grinned wickedly.


Mordred

Mordred closed his eyes, then opened them again. He ducked through the doorway.

"Faolan, if you don't remove it...I'll forget where I put the PS2."

"You wouldn't!"

"Watch me."

"Fine, fine."

Mordred grinned and nuzzled Gwen's neck as he kicked the door to their bedroom closed.

"And that was in no way subtle," Faolan said.


Gwen

"They never are," Merry said.

Gwen grinned and kissed his cheek.

"Could we ah, see to the bandaging first?"

"So, toast?" Frodo asked.

"Elevensies time," Pippin said gleefully.


Mordred

"Yep."

Mordred nodded as he placed her gently on the bed.

"Look after the hurt bits first. Then making it better sex."

He lifted her ankle into his lap as he sat down.

The hobbits started to cook, chatting to each other.

Gwen

"Ahhh... ah, ok..."

Gwen winced.

"Maybe it was a bad idea to race him... but I couldn't let him win and be all gloaty... not that he'd ever gloat, but you know."


Mordred

"Because he's like Oz, no expression," Mordred said.

"I say we turn Julie, Bobby and Tav loose on him."

He started to bandage her ankle securely.


Gwen

"I think he'd die of shock."

Gwen grinned.

"Let's not kill the elf."

She winced again and lay back against the pillows.

"You know, Frodo should really think about getting big beds. You know, for us."


Mordred

"But maybe if he got laid, he'd be better natured," Mordred said.

"Do you think he's even had sex?"


Gwen

Gwen coughed.

"You would do better not to inquire."


Mordred

"See, this is why Tav should be here. So he can make the sexual references I can't," Mordred said.

He kissed her ankle once he'd finished wrapping it.

"Better?"


Gwen

"He has had sex. Legolas, not Tav. Well, Tav has too. A lot. But Legolas has a lady elf friend, I've been told. Merry and Pippin were more than happy to divulge that particular piece of information."

Gwen smiled and nodded.

"Yep. Thank you."


Mordred

"Merry and Pippin are too nosy for their own good," Mordred said.

"Still say we should throw Tavvie at him."


Gwen

"Still, you have to love Merry and Pippin. Hobbits are cute. If it wasn't inhumane, I'd say keep one as a pet."

Gwen grinned and sat up.

"Anyway..."


Mordred

"ANyway..."

Mordred leant forward and kissed her.


Gwen

"I like this anyway."

Gwen kissed him back, hand drifting down to rub him through his pants.


Mordred

"It's a good anyway," Mordred agreed.

He started to undo her top.


Gwen

Gwen undid his pants and then started on his shirt, moving her lips down to nip at his Claim mark.


Mordred

Mordred moaned and pushed her top down off her shoulders. He fumbled for a second with her bra clasp, then got that off too. He kissed her breasts as he unzipped her pants.


Gwen

Gwen started to push Mordred's pants down, lifting her hips to help him get hers off, then kissed him again, hands grasping at his length.


Mordred

"Ah god, Gwen..."

Mordred slid his fingers across her.

~*~*~*~

Legolas's ear twitched slightly.


Gwen

"Godddd..."

Gwen kissed him hard, hand sliding over him gently.


Mordred

Mordred moaned into her mouth, tongue dancing with hers as he pushed her down onto the bed.

"Gwen..."


Gwen

"Love you."

Gwen kissed him again, one hand twisting his nipple rings.

~*~*~*~

It was times like these, that Legolas wished that Bag End had better insulation. And he didn't have enhanced senses.


Mordred

"Love you too, cariad," Mordred gasped.

He settled between her legs lightly, kissing her passionately.

~*~*~*~

Faolan reached over and patted Legolas's hand.

"They're worse at home," he confided to the elf.

"At least you're not empathic."


Gwen

Gwen licked up the side of his neck, nipping his Claim mark.

"Mine."


Mordred

"Yours," Mordred agreed.

He slid inside her easily, kissing her more.

"Ah godddd..."


Gwen

Gwen moaned and kissed him back hard.

"Godddd..."

She sparked through his nipple rings.


Mordred

Mordred moaned, back arching slightly.

"Oh my god!"


Gwen

Gwen's hips bucked up as she bit open Mordred's Claim mark again.

~*~*~*~

Legolas shook his head slightly.

"Poor Legolas," Merry said, not looking sympathetic at all.


Mordred

Mordred growled softly, starting to thrust into her harder.


Gwen

"God!"

Gwen moaned and her back arched up off the bed.


Mordred

Mordred kissed her, tongue imitating the movements of his hips. He kissed down her neck and licked across her Claim mark.


Gwen

"Goddddd..."

Gwen moaned and let her fingers twist his nipple rings again.


Mordred

Mordred moaned, then bit down. The skin spilt open under his teeth and blood trickled into his mouth. He continued to thrust steadily with his hips as his hand drifted down to rub her lightly.


Gwen

"Ah, God!"

Gwen squirmed and her hips bucked up as she moaned loudly, eyes closed.


Mordred

Mordred licked across the open wound, then kissed her. The taste of their blood mingled in their mouths.


Gwen

Gwen moaned loudly as she came, sparking through his nipple rings, as her back arched.


Mordred

"GOD!"

Mordred's hips bucked wildly as he came.

~*~*~*~

Legolas warily uncovered his ears.


Gwen

Gwen smiled and breathed heavily.

"Well, that didn't suck."

She flipped them over then kissed down his body.

"Until now."

She took him in her mouth.


Mordred

"Oh goddddd, Gwennnnn," Mordred moaned.

~*~*~*~

Legolas slapped his hands back over his ears, looking slightly hunted.


Gwen

Gwen giggled around him, as one hand fondled his balls gently. She took him further in her mouth and swallowed.


Mordred

"F*CK!"

Mordred slammed his hands down on the bed, back arching slightly.


Gwen

Gwen sparked through his balls and nipple rings simultaneously, humming around him.


Mordred

"Ah god, Gwen!"

Mordred came, moaning her name.


Gwen

Gwen swallowed and sat up.

"Yum."


Mordred

"Hmmm," Mordred said.

He tried very very hard to think.


Gwen

"So... shall we go join the others and see about getting ale?"

Gwen frowned at her foot.


Mordred

"Yeah," Mordred said.

"You alright? Foot's ok?"



Gwen

"A little sore, but nothing I can't handle. Besides, it'll heal quickly."

Gwen kissed him gently.

"Mmm, I'm actually hungry now."


Mordred

"Hobbits always have food," Mordred said.

"It's like a law or something."

He handed her her top and picked up his jeans.


Gwen

Gwen put her top on and did it up, then reached for her pants.

"We should hide their food... just for fun."


Mordred

"Yeah," Mordred said.

"Pay Merry and Pippin back."

He pulled his jeans on and did them up, then hunted for his shirt.

"But Frodo and Sam are nice...'


Gwen

Gwen slid her jeans over her hips, then buttoned them up.

"Well, we can tell Frodo and Sam."

She got up from the bed slowly and applied pressure on her ankle and winced slightly.


Mordred

Mordred slid his arm around her waist.

"Lean on me, love."


Gwen

Gwen leant on Mordred as they walked to the door. She opened it and headed for the kitchen, limping gingerly.


Mordred

"Better?" Frodo asked solictiously.

Merry and Pipping chuckled, then shut up when Mordred looked at them.


Gwen

"Much."

Gwen hobbled into a chair and sat down slowly.

"So, are we going out and getting drunk?"


Hobbits

"Yes," Merry said.

"We couldn't not celebrate yourfirst night back," Pippin said.

"This is just another excuse for you to get drunk," Frodo said.

Pippin and Merry shrugged.

"So?"


Gwen

"Ah Frodo, ever the wise one."

Gwen smiled.

"I'm afraid I will decline tonight's festivities," Gandalf said.

"I will too," Legolas said.


Faolan

"Good, you cna babysit," Merry said.

"And Mordred and Gwen can come have fun."

Faolan giggled slightly, then turned back to his food.


Gwen

"And we can see faaaaaiiir Roooosie, can't we?" Pippin teased Sam.

Sam blushed.

"Poor Sam," Gwen said.


Mordred

"Ask her to marry you," Mordred said.

"I asked Gwen. Happiest day of my life when she said yes."

"Awww," Merry said.


Gwen

Gwen blushed slightly and looked at the table.

"So, moving along..."


Mordred

"Oh no, move right back to that," Pippin said.

"I don't think I've ever seen Gwen blush."

Mordred smiled slightly.


Gwen

"Yes, well, don't get used to it," Gwen said. "So, moving on again."

"No, make her do it again!" Merry grinned.


Mordred

"She might get mad at me," Mordred said.

"And that means no kisses."


Gwen

"That means no sex," Gwen said.

"Ooh," Merry grinned.


Mordred

Mordred raised an eyebrow at Merry.

"And tell me, master Merriadoc, is there a lady hobbit who you've an eye to?"

"Not at the moment, no."

"So...you're basically not getting any?"


Gwen

"But there have been plenty in the past," Merry said.

"And at Rivendell too," Pippin chimed in. "We're most loved Hobbits."

"You're funny," Gwen said. "Very funny."


Mordred

"But not currently getting any?" Mordred said.

"No, not currently."

"See, I win."


Gwen

"So, we going out?" Frodo asked, tactfully changing the subject.

"Yeah, sounds peachy," Gwen replied.


Mordred

"Great," Mordred said.

"When?"

"When the Green Dragon opens," Merry said.


Gwen

"Which is...?" Gwen prompted.

"About half an hour. It'll take us that long to walk there though."


Hobbits

"We could ride," Pippin said.

"Or not," Merry said.

"Bad horses."


Gwen

"Yeah, or we could race," Gwen said, shooting a cheeky look at Legolas.

"No, you might trip again."

"Shut up."


Mordred

"Don't tease my wife," Mordred said.

He rose from the table.

"We better start walking then. If we want to be there when it opens."

"Yes!" Merry said.


Gwen

Gwen hobbled away from the table, when Frodo handed her his walking stick.

"This might help," he said.

"Thanks Frodo."


Mordred

"Or, I could just 'port us there," Mordred said, watching Gwen with a worried eye.


Gwen

"Yeah, that would work too."

Gwen took Frodo's walking stick anyway.

"But if you get too drunk, you won't be able to port us back."


Mordred

"Very good point," Mordred said.

"Anyway..."

He 'ported the people who were going to the back of the Green Dragon.

"I'm never gonna get used to that," Merry said.


Gwen

"Poor Merry," Gwen said, not looking very sympathetic.

"Yes, poor me."

"Oooh, I can see Roooossieeeee," Pippin sang.


Hobbits

"Rooosssiieeeee, faiirrrr Rosie!" Merry carolled.

Sam blushed.


Gwen

"Poor Sam," Gwen said.

"Saaaaam and Rooosiieee!" Pippin giggled.


Mordred

Mordred grinned slightly.

"Now now, Sam can't help his unrequited love..."

"Well, it wouldn't be unrequited if he would just talk to her properly," Pippin said.

"And anyway, teasing him's fun."


Sam

Rosie opened the door and smiled cheerfully at them.

Sam eeped.

"Master Mordred and Mistress Gwen, it has been an age since our last meeting," she greeted. "But where are the other members of your party?"


Mordred

"Spike and Vortigern had to stay home," Mordred said.

"And Legolas and Gandalf preferred not to come."

"What a shame," Rosie said.

Mordred shrugged slightly.

"Means that we didn't have to draw straws to pick a babysitter."

"And how are you, oh fair Rosie?" Merry asked.


Pippin

"Very well, Master Meriadoc. Back again?" Rosie let them inside.

"As always!" Pippin bounced.


Merry

"So I've noticed," Rosie said dryly.

"Nice to see you back again, Master Mordred, Mistress Gwen."

"Ales all round, Rosie!" Merry said cheerfully.

"I'll be with you in a minute, Master Meriadoc," Rosie said, before she moved away.


Gwen

"Do you spose she gets tired of seeing us, Pip?" Merry asked.

Pippin grinned. "Naw, who could?"

"Well..." Gwen started.


Hobbits

Frodo chuckled slightly, while Sam gazed after Rosie longingly.

"I could. You always come and eat me out of house and home. And that's difficult to do."


Gwen

"Sam, just go talk to her," Gwen said gently.

Merry and Pippin looked affronted.

"No way, we do not Frodo!"


Hobbits

"I couldn't," Sam said softly.

He stared at his hands.

"Yes, you do," Frodo said.


Gwen

"I won't force you... but... it might make you feel better," Gwen said.

"Don't. Anyway, Pip and I are going to get this round, see, we're good hobbits!" Merry protested.


Hobbits

Sam looked at her, eyes worried.

"What if she says no?"

Frodo snorted.

"You're bad hobbits."

"Hey, you're the one whose family is labelled a disturber of the peace!" Pippin protested.

"And we're the heroes of Hobbiton," Merry said.

"After that Sharky business."


Gwen

"You don't know until you try," Gwen said.

"Actually, Gandalf was labelled as a disturber of the peace, so there," Frodo said, grinning.

"Anyways, come on, Merry."

Pippin dragged his friend over to the bar and they returned moments later with ale.


Hobbits

"I think I'll just have an ale," Sam said sadly.

Merry and Pipping handed out half pints.

"Cheer up, Sam," Merry said.

"Sooner or later, someone else is going to speak to Rosie, and you won't have to worry."

Sam did not look comforted.


Gwen

Gwen punched Merry lightly.

"Shoosh, hobbit."

Merry rubbed his arm and Pippin nodded knowingly. "Dangerous."


Mordred

"But beautiful," Mordred said, leaning over to kiss Gwen gently.

"Suck up," Merry accused quietly.


Gwen

Gwen kissed him back and leant her head against his shoulder.

"Merry," she said in a warning tone.

"Sorry," the hobbit replied, not looking sorry at all.


Mordred

Mordred slid one of his cigarettes into his mouth and lit it with his lighter.

"Anyway."

"What are we doing?" Sam asked.

"Getting drunk," Merry said.


Gwen

"Sam, do you want me to talk to Rosie?" Gwen asked, taking a sip of her ale.

Merry and Pippin snickered slightly.


Sam and Merry

Sam looked panicked.

"No, oh no. Thank ye kindly, Mistress Gwen for the thought. But no."

"Oh, c'mon, Sam," Merry said.


Gwen

Gwen nodded.

"But you know, offer is always there."

Pippin burped and grinned proudly, while Frodo shook his head slightly.


Merry

Merry laughed.

"Oh, lighten up, Frodo! Anyone would think someone just died!"


Hobbits

Frodo looked like he was going to respond, then opted not to take the bait.

"More ale!" Merry proclaimed, waving down Rosie, who came over swiftly.

Sam's blush deepened.


Mordred

"So, Rosie, how's business?" Mordred asked.

"Good, thank ye."

Rosie bobbed a curtsey.

"Good to hear."

"Although, we've been having a mite of trouble with the farmers we get our grain from. Me father be sortin' it out, I think."

"Maybe Sam should help you with that," Pippin suggested gleefully.

"He's very good with all sorts of growing things."


Gwen

"Yes, Sam would love to help," Merry chimed in.

Gwen shook her head slightly and smiled.

"And how long are we to be graced with yer presence this time, Master Mordred?" Rosie asked.


Mordred

"A while, I think," Mordred said.

"We love coming to Hobbiton."

"It's a nice place," Merry said.


Gwen

"Course, because we're here!" Pippin said, nodding enthusiastically.

"Yeah... that's it." Gwen made a face. "I'd love to see Aragorn again though."


Mordred

"Is the moutain going to Muhammed, or Muhammed to the mountain?" Mordred asked.

The Middle Earth people looked confused. Mordred sighed.

"Never mind. Should we go visit him, or should he come here?"


Gwen

"We should go to him. It's been an age since we left the Shire," Pippin said.

"But everytime we leave, we always remember we shouldn't leave," Merry replied.

Gwen raised an eyebrow.


Hobbits

"Well, think about it," Pippin said.

"The first time we left, we walked straight into a war."

"Orcs, goblins, Nazguls..." Merry said, then shuddered.

"And then when we left with you..."


Gwen

"Well..."

Gwen pouted.

"Are you implying we got you into danger?"


Hobbits

"You're like a lightning rod," Merry said.

"But don't worry, Frodo is too."

"Hey!" Frodo protested.


Gwen

"How mean."

Gwen looked at Frodo.

"It's ok, Frodo, I'm sure even if we weren't around, they'd find some other way of getting in trouble."

"Yeah, like stealing from Farmer Maggot," Sam said under his breath.


Hobbits

"He's totally over reacting," Merry said.

"We haven't taken that much."

"But we did take a bag of new potatoes-" Pippin started.

"And that pie-"

"And some carrots."

"And that was only this week."


Gwen

"My point is that he's clearly overreacting," Merry said.

"Mmm, yeah, he's being so unreasonable," Gwen said, nodding.

"Exactly."


Mordred

"People get so strange when you take their things," Mordred said.

"Carrying on so."

"And it's not like he can't afford it," Merry said virtously.


Gwen

"So, in actual fact, you're doing him a favour," Gwen said. "You're simply taking what he would've just discarded anyway. Easing the load a bit."

"Exactly," Merry said, nodding.


Mordred

"And putting it to good use," Mordred said.

"Well, we enjoyed them, didn't we, Pip?" Merry said.


Gwen

"Yes, very much," Pippin said, nodding.

"Then clearly, we all stand corrected," Gwen replied.

"Clearly," Merry agreed.


Hobbits

"And he's clearly over reacting, that's all we're saying," Pippin said.

"We're respectable hobbits."

Sam snorted.


Gwen

"I'm with Sam on that one," Gwen replied.

Pippin pouted.


Mordred

"Prefectly respectable," Merry protested.

"And what would Gandalf say?" Mordred said.

"He doesn't count. He's a disturber of the peace," Pippin said.

"What about Aragorn?"

"Shiftless Ranger," Merry said.

"Despite him being a king?"

"Still a shiftless Ranger and a trouble maker."

"Ok...Legolas?"

"What does an Elf know about hobbits?"


Gwen

"Frodo?" Gwen asked.

"He's not counted because he... he is far too adventurous for a hobbit," Merry said, before Frodo could answer.


Mordred

"Sam?" Mordred said.

Merry and Pippin looked at each other, then back at Mordred.

"He's a Gamgee. I'm a Took, and Merry's a Brandybuck," Pippin said.

"Frodo could say something, but..."

"Far too adventrous," Merry concluded.


Gwen

"Oh dear," Gwen said, shaking her head.

"Another round!" Merry proclaimed.


Hobbits

"That's your answer to everything," Frodo sighed.

Merry grinned.

"But it's such a fun answer!"


Gwen

"I'll agree with Merry on this one," Gwen said. "Sorry Frodo."

Frodo sighed.

"Oh come on, it's not like you ever fight against drinking," Pippin said.


Hobbits

"No, you're here happily spending your coppers for ale alongside us," Merry said.

Frodo looked unhappy.

"But not every night."

"No, not every night," Pippin said, "but most nights."


Gwen

"So, when shall we go see Aragorn?" Gwen asked, tactfully changing the subject.


Mordred

"It will take a few days to organise things," Frodo said.

"To get food together, hire a cart..."

"And find horses," Pippin said.

"Hobbits don't generally go in for horses."

"Gee, wonder why that is," Mordred murmured.


Gwen

"Sounds good."

Gwen leant her head on Mordred's shoulder.


Mordred

They drank and talked for a while longer, late into the night before they got up to leave.

"You alright, love?" Mordred murmured to Gwen.


Gwen

"Yeah..."

Gwen grinned.

"I think I'm sufficiently drunk enough to not feel my feet."


Mordred

Mordred chuckled.

The group set off slowly home, still talking. Merry and Pippin occasionally singing.


Gwen

"Good night all!" Merry and Pippin chorused, heading in the direction of their homes.

Gwen waved and headed into Bag End, to find Gandalf asleep on a seat, snoring softly, while Legolas was dozing lightly on another seat.


Mordred

Faolan poked his head out from under a chair and mewed.

"Hey, Fao. Be good?" Mordred asked.

The cat sneezed, indicating that was a stupid question.


Gwen

Gwen leant on the wall for a second, then headed for her room, collapsing onto the bed.

"Ah," she sighed, in contentment.


Mordred

Mordred shook his head slightly and walked after her.

"Go to bed, Fao."


Gwen

Gwen stretched slightly as she lay on the bed, feeling her joints popping into place.


Mordred

"Well, the house is still standing, that's a plus," Mordred said, closing their bedroom door behind him.

He walked over to the bed and kissed her gently.

"How's your ankle?"


Gwen

"It's better."

Gwen stretched and yawned.


Mordred

Mordred took his shirt off and laid it over the chair.

"That's good."


Gwen

"Mmmhmmm."

Gwen lazily rolled over.

"So, it's good to be back, don't you think?"


Mordred

"Yep."

Mordred got onto the bed and kissed her.

"I like Middle Earth. It's so peaceful."


Gwen

"Yeah, total opposite of New York."

Gwen kissed him back.

"Would be nice to see everyone more often."


Mordred

"But as long as Vort's on Earth..."

Mordred kissed her again.

"Can't leave him forever."


Gwen

"Yeah, point."

Gwen hit the pillow into shape.

"Thought I'd be rid of this short bed..."


Mordred

Mordred chuckled.

"Yeah...nice to vist, but not to live."


Gwen

"Well, if we were hobbit sized..."

Gwen smiled.

"Frodo obviously should get a big bed for us."


Mordred

"Yep," Mordred said.

"And especially for me. I'm too tall for Hobbit sized furniture. And Legolas and Gandalf stay here a lot."


Gwen

"Hmmm."

Gwen pulled her shirt off, then her pants, sliding under the covers.

"Speak to him about it..."


Mordred

"I will."

Mordred sat up slightly and discarded his pants, before joining her under the covers. He put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Night, Gwen."


Gwen

"Night Mordred."

Gwen closed her eyes and went to sleep.

January
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