Isaac and Zac
Isaac and Zac were the only ones home as the rest of their family was out, other than Saku who was asleep. Isaac was taking advantage of their absense to get himself very, very drunk.
He wasn't in the habit of getting drunk, although he did have the occasional drink.
At any rate, Zac walked into the kitchen only to see Isaac pratically lying over the counter, pouring himself another glass of kerosene.
"Ike?" he asked.
Isaac looked up at Zac.
"Heeeeey Zac," he said.
"You're drunk."
"Not dwunk. Jusht a wittle tipshy."
"Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that man."
There was silence. Then it occured to Zac that he could take advantage of his brother's state.
"Sooooo," Zac said. "You and Faith? How far have you gone?"
"Ummmmmmmmm..." Isaac considered. "I fink... actwlly... I haven' gone anywhere wiv Faaaith."
"Uh huh, yeah sure. Come on, a beautiful woman like that?" Zac said, making an effort not to grind his teeth. "How far did you go?"
"weeeeelll... Tempe... I fink... Doessh dat cownt? Shhhhe didn' 'zactly come wiv me. And you were dere anyway."
"Argh. How far sexually, you wanker?"
"Shaving myshelf for my wife."
Zac banged his head against the counter.
"Okay, lets go about this another way. Do you remember that day I walked in on you and Faith in the hotel room? And accussed you of cheating?"
"Yesh. But I -"
"What had you been doing?"
"Talking."
"About what?"
"Faith washh very upshet."
"About what?"
"Shhhe lossht da baby."
Zac stared.
"What?" he whipsered.
"Shhhe lossht da baby. Shhhe washh worried dat you washh going ta hate 'er. I told her dat you wouldn'," Isaac replied. "I don' fink shhe believed me. I told her shhe shoul' tell you dough."
"Oh my gosh."
"Ooopshhh! Shhhe ashked me not ta tell you!" Isaac gaved Zac a worried look. "You won' tell her I told you, will you? I woul' hate for her to fink I can't keep my promishesh."
"I... I... oh my gosh!" Zac exclaimed.
He stared at Isaac, who was in the process of drinking more kero.
"No, I won't tell her. Oh my gosh," then something occured to him. "Then why did you kiss her?"
"Kish who?"
"Faith!"
"Never kished Faith. Shhhe's your lover."
"This morning? Hello? Is that kero rotting your brain?"
"I only kished one pershon dish morning. Madishon," Isaac sighed. "Shhe doshsn't like me."
More kero went into Isaac's system.
"Hang on... you were talking to Faith! Faith came over this morning!"
"Nopesh. Wash Madishon. Madishon, Madishon, Madishon."
And Isaac began drunkedly singing "My girlfriends' friend". Or was that "My girlfwiend'sh' fwiend"?
Zac started to laugh, then sobered quickly.
"Oh my gosh! That was about Madison? And I was thinking it was about Faith."
The colour drained from his face.
"Oh man... Ike I'm so sorry!"
"Shhnot your fault."
"No, no I should have trusted you better. I should never have sent that to Chrissy. Man... I'm a lousy brother. And a lousy boyfriend. A lousy everything!"
"Shhnot twu," Isaac replied decisively. "Shhakuuu lovesh you. You do goo' job."
"Yeah. Sure I do," Zac replied sarcasstically.
"You dooooo. Shhhure you have your shhhcwew upsh, but don' all pawentsh?"
Zac stared at him.
"See? Even drunk you still have a kind word and good advice. You should stop it okay? Do something stupid and spontaneous one day."
Isaac blinked, and reached for his glass.
"Oh, no you don't. You've had enough to drink. C'mon Ike. I'll get you to bed."
"But I -"
"You'll thank me in the morning."