Faith
How long she sat on the ground, Faith wasn't sure. Paige had left her awhile ago, but the pain wasn't getting any easier.
She thought it wouldn't matter. She thought that remembering the world she'd lived in would be fairly easy, as far as little catches went, it wasn't so bad. So she'd have to remember fifteen years of a horrible life, it shouldn't bother her.
But it did.
She had to remember the day she lost Zac. The day she gave birth to Walker. The day he took his first step. Watching him grow up. Training him into a fighter. Watching him die. It was too much.
Faith slowly got to her feet. She wiped her eyes and headed back to the House of Blues. Once she'd reached there, she stared at the building for a long moment. She could no longer hear music, so she flipped out her phone and dialled in Zac's number, breathing deeply to calm down.
Zac
Zac heard his mobile phone ring and groaned. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve and picked it up.
"Faith!" he yelped in astonishment, seeing her name on the screen.
He hit the button and put the phone to his ear.
"Faithy!"
Faith
"Hey, Zac... I... I'm sorry for calling. Or rather for not calling."
Faith shook her head in confusion.
"Well I have my memory back... obviously."
Zac
"That's great!" Zac replied. "Oh Faith, I have missed you so much? What happened? Why weren't you talking to me?"
Faith
"I... I remembered some of the bad stuff that happened between us and... well it's a long story, just basically, I'm an idiot and forgive me, please?"
Faith smiled a little, taken aback by the fact it was actually hurting to be smiling at a time like this.
"Well... I'm kinda standing outside the House of Blues, so yeah..."
Zac
Zac smiled to himself, and then that smile fell from his face.
"Oh hey, well... I'm not short of idiocy myself... I umm... don't get mad at me or anything, but I... I have this little problem... when I'm depressed I either write music or I get myself laid, and umm, yeah... been doing a fair bit of sleeping around when you stopped talking to me... I... I'm sorry too. I really am trying to get out of that bad habit! I'm really sorry, and even if you can't forgive me, I forgive you."
He paused.
"Did... did you want me to meet you there?"
Faith
Faith bit her lip.
He'd cheated on her.
Well, she had ignored him.
On a technicality, they'd probably been broken up.
She could forgive him as long as no one was pregnant.
Oh God, babies.
"Yeah, that'd be cool... we probably have much to talk about," Faith said, straining to keep her voice cheerful.
Zac and Isaac
"Okay, I'll meet you there then in a few minutes."
They hung up.
"Ike!"
"Mmm?"
"Faith called!"
"Really? That's great."
"I'm gonna go meet her right now. At the House of Blues."
"Okay. I'll tell the appropriate people."
"Thanks."
Zac got in a taxi and made his way to the House of Blues. He scanned the place and then grinned when he spotted Faith.
He hurried over and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey Faith," he said.
Faith
Faith jumped slightly, then turned around.
"Hey," she said softly.
She paused for a minute then hugged him awkwardly.
What was going on? She felt as if she hadn't seen him in awhile.
Well, a month and 15 years, if you wanted to be technical.
Zac
Zac cupped her face in his hands and kissed her passionately.
"I missed you so much," he whispered.
But had she him? That was an awkward hug - she hadn't mentioned the sleeping around, maybe she was upset about it... He was such an idiot.
Faith
Faith tried to give him a reassuring smile, and almost succeeded, but the pain of smiling was too much for her to keep it there.
"I missed you too," she replied quietly.
Zac
"I'm an idiot! I am such an idiot!" Zac scolded himself.
He stroked her hair.
"So umm, Faithy? What happened, exactly?" he asked. "If you don't mind my asking. I mean, if it's too... if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I..."
He trailed off and scolded himself mentally for babbling.
Faith
"I remembered some bad stuff that had happened between us... and I wigged out. I wanted to call, and I'm sorry I didn't..."
Faith stopped and closed her eyes for a second.
She'd have to tell him eventually. But not now. She couldn't ruin now.
She stepped forward and kissed his cheek gently.
"I missed you so much..."
Zac
Zac nodded.
"Well, everything is okay now, right?" Zac asked hopefully.
He rested his arms on her hips.
Faith
Faith looked down at his hands.
She slowly put her arms around his neck.
"Yeah, everything is fine," she lied.
Zac
Zac nearly panicked. There was something wrong and she wouldn't tell him. Man... what had he done?
"I umm... I'm sorry if I'm a bit smelly at the moment. We just finished a concert and I was... it's been so long, and I've missed you so much I didn't bother to shower."
Faith
Faith smiled, it becoming a little more real.
"Oh, hey that's cool. I've seen you sweaty before..."
Why was this hard? She loved him, this wasn't a problem.
Zac
Zac felt better seeing her smile.
"I wouldn't mind getting a bit more sweaty?" he suggested. "But ahh... how about we go get something to eat?"
Faith
Faith nodded. "Sweaty sounds good... but eating sounds better at the moment. Where to?"
She took a deep breath.
Could she still do this?
Zac
"Great," Zac smiled.
He took her hand and led her out.
"I'm sure sure where's a good place to eat around here, you wanna just wander around until we notice something?"
Faith
Faith flinched slightly when Zac took her hand, then relaxed.
What was going on? She felt like she was seeing a ghost.
But wasn't she? She'd technically lived 15 years without him.
"Yeah, sounds like a plan," Faith replied.
Zac
"Is... is she uncomfortable with me?" Zac asked himself. "Man... I should have tried harder to keep myself in check. What kind of boyfriend am I?"
He walked with her down the street.
"That looks like a nice place," he said pointing. "What do you think?"
Faith
Memories of Zac dying in her arms distracted Faith as they walked down the street. The way Walker used to ask about his father, his awe when she told him about Zac. Now they'd bother never know each other.
Zac's voice jolted Faith from her thoughts. She struggled to forget, but it seemed unfair to forget her son.
"Yeah, anything seems good. Just needing food really," Faith replied absently.
Zac
"Okay, cool," Zac said as they headed into the restaurant.
Zac had been waiting for this day, well, all month. And now it was here... Zac just felt like they were pretending. Just pretending. He wanted to cry. Whatever was going on in Faith's mind, her heart wasn't in this. He knew her too well.
He had betrayed her. Now nothing would be the same.
Faith
They ate dinner, chatting occasionally, with Faith wondering what her problem was. She had made the right choice, she knew that. She was sure of it.
They left the restaurant, and Faith hesitated, then took Zac's hand again.
"So where to now?" Faith asked, straining to keep her voice even, fighting the tears from coming.
"What was my Daddy like, Mommy?" Walker, so tiny, barely old enough to walk, already asking.
"He was a famous drummer in a band with his brothers. He was the most wonderful person ever."
"Did you love him?"
"Very much."
"Did he love me?"
The question pierced through Faith's heart. He hadn't known his son. "Yes," she lied. "He loved you very much. You were his world."
Faith shook her head, willing the memories away.
Zac
"Wherever you want," Zac replied. "I guess I should be getting back to the hotel, but I'd rather spend time with you."
He turned to her and cupped her face in his hands.
"I missed you so much," he said sadly, "And I'm still missing you.
Faith
Faith hesitated again, like she'd forgotten what to do here. It was weird to be where she was again, with Zac... but without Walker. It was a price she'd had to pay and a choice she'd had to make. Her son, or her love. Love had won out, there would be time for children, she had reasoned with herself. Besides, there was no way she'd have known she would lose Walker right away.
Faith leaned in and kissed Zac, her arms weakly going around his neck.
Why was coming back to a better world hard?
"I missed you too," she whispered. She took a deep breath. "I love you." "But if you knew what happened, you wouldn't love me back..."
"I could come back to the hotel with you... if you want," Faith said. "I killed our son..."
Zac
Zac held Faith in his arms for a time, breathing in her scent.
"Sure, I'd like that," he said.
Reluctantly, he pulled away and hailed a taxi.
Faith
The taxi ride was short, but seemed to go on for awhile for Faith, who was trapped within her memories. She took Zac's hand and squeezed it gently as they hopped out and went into the hotel.
"Please don't fight over me..." Walker's voice echoed in her mind.
"So, uh," Faith cleared her throat. "Lead the way."
Zac and Isaac
Zac smiled faintly and led her to the elevator. They went up to the appropriate floor and Zac guided her to the hotel room.
"Hi Zac, Faith," Isaac said as they came in.
"Uhh, hi Ike," Zac said.
Isaac gave them a grin.
"I know when I'm not wanted. I'll be back in... an hour?"
Isaac left and Zac turned to Faith.
"Sooo..."
Faith
"Just like riding a bike, come on," Faith urged herself.
She lifted her hand and moved some hair from Zac's face, then leant in and kissed him passionately, her other hand working it's way down to Zac's pants.
Zac
His mouth and hands busy kissing and caressing the love of his life, Zac lead them into the bedroom. He gently lowered Faith into the bed and then -
Ahem.
Zac laid next to her, kissing her head and neck softly.
"I love you," he whispered.
Faith
"I love you too," Faith said sadly. "And that's why I can't tell you... I don't want you to hate me."
Faith lay there for awhile. but then felt like she was going to cry. She got up quickly and reached for her clothes.
"I... uh..." her mind struggled to find an excuse. "I promised I'd give Xander a call as soon as I got here, so, I better do that. I'll just be a minute."
She pulled her clothes on and gave Zac a tiny smile, then grabbed her phone and headed out to the hallway. She went downstairs and found the bar, finding a stool and sitting on it and ordered a shot glass and a bottle of vodka.
Maybe then maybe she could forget.
Zac
Zac laid on his bed. He felt tears prick at his eyes.
"She hates me. Oh man... she hates me."
He twisted around and pounded his fist into the pillow.
"Who am I trying to fool? Ike was right. I'm falling back into old habits. Faith doesn't derserve a guy who cheats on her."
He buried his face into the pillow.