16 June 2003 - Facing up to it

Zac

There was only one word that could describe how Zac was feeling.

Guilty.

When he woke up that morning he had a hangover like you wouldn't believe, and a full recollection of his behaviour the night before. After everything that had happened with Julie, Faith and Zada, why did this... why...

Now he was at Faith's door. Trying to get the nerve to ring the bell. He needed to tell her, he knew that. He wanted - for once in his life - a real, honest relationship, and for that he would have to tell her. And besides, if he didn't he wouldn't be able to look at her again.

But he was scared that if he did, she wouldn't want to speak to him again. She wouldn't want anything to do with him, and he wouldn't blame her.

"C'mon Zac," he said. "You have to do this."

He rang the bell.


Faith

Faith padded out of her makeshift gym, dressed in tiny denim shorts and a purple crop top. Sweat was running off her body, after having just been training all day. She pulled the tape off her hands from boxing and wiped herself with the towel, pausing only to open the door.

"Oh hey, sorry, I didn't know you were coming. I might've actually had a shower. Come in..."

She stepped back allowing him entrance, and closed the door after him. Thinking he was probably still touchy on the touching, she gestured for him to go to the living room and led the way, stopping in the kitchen first for her bottle of water.

Once she was back in the living room she sat down. "So, what's up?"


Zac

"well, I have umm... good news and bad news. The good news is that there's something I think I can do now without freaking out."

And on that, Zac grabbed Faith and kissed her passionately.


Faith

Faith pulled away breathless. "Well, I'm glad that's back on the agenda. I was starting to miss that."

She grinned cheekily at him, then raised one eyebrow curiously. "Bad news?"


Zac

Zac gulped.

"Well... the bad news... is how I finally got over it... See I..." Zac was finding this so hard, "I... I got invited to this party... and I knew I shouldn't have gone. There were just so many people... and I ended up getting drunk - 'cause they had kero there, and I... well... I ended up having sex with this girl named Desiree."


Faith

Faith smiled uncertainly. "You're kidding, right?"

She sat in shock for a few seconds and then opened her mouth to say something. Then closed it, realising she didn't have anything to say. Tears were creeping into her eyes slowly.

"I just... please say you're not serious."


Zac

"Yes!" Zac wanted to shout, but he didn't.

"Damn it, Faith, I'm so sorry," he said. "I... I... I swear if I hadn't been so wasted I wouldn't have done it. I swear! I love you too much to ever want to hurt you..."

Zac fell back, shaking his head and tears coming to his own eyes.

"Oh dang... but that's what I've done isn't it? I've hurt you, and I never wanted to. I just... I wanted to tell you... because I mean, I... I wanted this to be an honest relationship, y'know? Because I... I couldn't not tell you. I... I..."


Faith

Faith nodded slowly, trying to be calm inside. She could feel Angel lurking in her mind.

"Faith?" Angel's presence was now evident. Faith blocked him out, her tears escaping.

"I..." Faith closed her mouth again, not trusting herself to speak. She stood up and went to the window, looking out, not wanting Zac to see her cry.

This is what she got for falling in love.

She got screwed over.


Zac

"Faith? Faith, please, yell at me. Hit me. I don't care!" Zac cried. "It was a stupid, stupid mistake, and I have never felt so guilty in my life. Please, Faith, I love you."


Faith

"I... I trusted you and I gave you my heart, and you... you just..." Faith turned away from the window to face Zac, crying uncontrollably. Her hands clenched into fists and she wanted to badly to hit something or be hit. This pain was unbearable.

She looked Zac in the eyes. "I don't know you anymore..."


Zac

"Please... please Faithy... don't say that..." Zac begged. "Faith, I still love you. More than anything I love you. And if I had known that getting drunk would have helped me before I would have done it a week ago, here, with you. Please Faithy, you gotta believe me, I never wanted to hurt you."


Faith

"Well you did."

Faith closed her eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. She opened her eyes again and glared at Zac.

"So... you could sleep with someone you just met, but when it comes to me... the person you say you're in love with... you can't even touch me?"


Zac

"I had to be damn wasted before I could touch her," Zac replied. "And I'm sober now and it doesn't bother me in the least now."

He walked over and cupped her face in his hands.

"See?" he said quietly. "Oh, Faithy, you have every right to be mad. But I... how could I say I loved someone who I was lying to? And Faithy, if I didn't tell you, that's exactly what I would have been doing. Lying. Please, please, please forgive me."


Faith

Faith pulled out of his grasp. She backed away slightly. She shook her head.

"I don't... I thought you loved me, but now... I don't know. I loved you Zac, I loved you with all my heart, but now... I don't know who you are. I thought I did... but now, now I'm not sure."


Zac

Zac nodded and stopped fighting the tears that threatened to roll down his cheeks.

"I... I understand..." he said. "I've betrayed both of us, and this is the consequence."

He began backing off towards the door.

"I'll understand if you never want to talk to me again. I probably deserve to lose you, the woman I love, after all the girls I intentionally cheated on before."

Zac shoved one hand in his pocket and put the other on the door.

"I'll always love you Faithy," he told her. "Always and forever, for the rest of my life. But you deserve better than me, and we both know it. I guess... I guess I was lucky you wanted me this long. I can only hope that maybe, one say, you'll forgive me."

He started to walk out the door.


Faith

Faith ran over to stop him, laying her hand on his shoulder, before backing away quickly. She opened her mouth to speak, still not sure what she wanted to say.

Finally she just let him leave, staring out the door at him.

"I love you..." she whispered as the tears continued to pour down her cheeks.


Zac

Zac sat in his van for awhile, just crying. When at last her had no more tears left, he drove recklessly home, not caring if he hit anything, and it was only by a miracle that he got home in one piece.

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