Gwen and Faith
Gwen arrived in Tulsa by evening and made her way to Faith's house. She knocked on the door, and was slightly taken aback when she opened the door so quickly.
"Sorry, I thought you were someone else. You're not running again, are you?"
"Can I come in?"
"Oh sorry, yeah, sure." Faith stepped away from the door, and allowed Gwen entrance.
Gwen walked in, feeling slightly weird about being back.
"Do you need to stay for a few days or anything?"
"I thought I might stay the night... if that's ok..."
"Oh hey, yeah, it's all good."
Faith led Gwen into the living room and they sat on the couch together.
"Thank you."
Faith looked confused. "For what?"
"Even though you didn't know me, you... you know, took me in and all that."
"Oh... well, I know what it's like to be on the run."
"Well thanks."
***
Later that night, Faith went out patrolling. Gwen wasn't in the mood to be travelling in darkness again, so she opted to hang out at Faith's house.
But maybe it would've been better to go out. Keep her mind occupied. The bad thing about being in a Slayer's house was that she had lots of weapons. Lot's of knifes, guns, crossbows, stakes.
Stop it, Gwen. Dammit, stop.
Gwen looked around and spotted a small knife resting on the kitchen bench. Gwen looked away.
"No, I'm stronger..."
She got up and went into the bathroom, turned the tap on and splashed her face with water. She looked up into the mirror and stared at the reflection, hardly recognising herself. Her eyes looked sunken and haunted, and had dulled from their usual lively colour. Gwen opened the medicine cabinet and saw Faith's sleeping pills. Next to some Anti Depressants. What was wrong with her? Gwen reached out for the sleeping pills then pulled her hand back quickly.
"No."
She went back out into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of juice, trying to keep her hands busy. She squeezed the glass, concentrating intently on not putting it down and hurting herself. Before she knew it, she'd broken the glass from squeezing it too hard. As she bent down to pick up the broken shards of glass, she found a large piece and before she could stop herself, she'd cut into her arm 5 quick times.
Gwen looked at her hands and the growing puddle of blood. She started to freak out, then realised she had to get this cleaned before Faith came home. She frantically bandaged herself roughly, then cleaned up thoroughly and went and had a shower, then burnt her clothes, so the smell of blood would be covered.
When Faith came home, she saw Gwen lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
"It's no good. I can smell the blood. Enhanced senses, remember?"
Gwen looked at her. "Don't know what you're talking about."
"The cuts on your arm. Don't think I don't know. Look, my friend can heal them, I'll get her to - "
"No."
"But - "
"No. Please."
Faith nodded. "I'll respect that. But look, don't do it. I've been there, solves nothin."
Mordred
Mordred turned over in bed, and then woke to a bad feeling in his head. He'd gone to bed early, tired out by the wedding. He tried to figure out what it was. His eyes widened. Gwen! He 'ported to her side, frantic with worry. "Gwen? Love?" He looked around and eeped as he saw Faith but shook it off and hurried to Gwen where she was lying on the lounge. "What'd ya do that for love?" He lifted one lock of hair out of her face.
Gwen and Faith
Faith sighed. "Hey Mordred. I haven't been able to get through to her."
Gwen looked at Faith. "There's nothing wrong."
Faith stalked over to Gwen and showed her her own arms, scarred with her own attempts of suicide. "It solves nothing. Believe me. Life goes on, it still hurts when you think about it, but you get that."
Gwen looked away and Faith sighed again. "Fine." She went into her room.
Gwen looked at the ceiling. "Mordred, you didn't have to come, I'm fine."
Mordred
"You are not fine, and I said I would come soon as I felt something was wrong," Mordred said calmly. "You're cutting, this is not something that is fine."
Gwen
Gwen looked back at the ceiling avoiding Mordred's eyes.
"It's fine, I can handle it."
Mordred
"Gwen, love, you aren't handling it or you wouldn't be slicing yerself to bits. I know how you feel, thanks to that empath. Help me help you, please. All I want is to be there for you." Mordred's heart ached.
Gwen
"I can handle it... I just need... I just need the pain." Gwen closed her eyes, willing her tears away. Her arms were stinging, but the pain was dulling and she was sinking back into nothingness.
"I want to feel something. Anything is better than nothing, right?"
Mordred
"Anything is not better then nothing," Mordred said firmly. "You don't need to be punished, Gwen. You are worthwhile and I love ya. You have my heart, always, no matter what happens. You are not a freak, you're beautiful and strong and precious..." He knelt by her side and took her hand into his. "You're strong enough to lick this. And I'll be beside ya every step of the way."
Gwen
Gwen opened her eyes and looked at Mordred. After a second, she turned away, pained.
"I want to feel something. Anything, Mordred. I hate being so empty inside."
Mordred
Mordred sighed and bowed his head. "God, Gwen." He took her hand and stepped through into her mind, shaking slightly. He hated to do this. He took his love for her and let it flow through into her, imagining it as a light, warm and beckoning. "Can you feel me, love? Feel my love for you? I love you. Come back to me please, love."
Gwen
Gwen felt his feeling inside her, and it started to warm her insides. She looked at Mordred again, her eyes filled with tears.
"It hurts... everything hurts."
Mordred
"Things that are worthwhile always require sacrifice. Makes them more cherished the harder ya havta fight for them." Mordred brushed a kiss across her forehead. "Life...is full of hurt and pain. But it's got good things in it too. Things that soothe away the hurt. Make ya want to keep going, no matter the pain."
Gwen
Gwen turned her head away from Mordred, ashamed of herself, but still, not wanting to believe him.
"I know that things get worse before they get better, but sometimes this feels like a worse that's too big."
Mordred
"Ah, love..." Mordred shook his head. "I love ya, and I'll be here for ya as long as ya need or want me. Will you be alright for a while, or should I stay here?"
Gwen
"If it's alright, can you go for a bit? I think I just need some time. I love you, I just... I'm not ready to face New York yet."
Gwen looked at him, praying he'd understand that it wasn't him, it was her.
Mordred and Vortigern
"Whatever you want, my love." He stood, then bent over and kissed her before teleporting back to his bedroom. Vortigern raised his head. "Gwen. Go back to sleep and I'll explain in the morning."
"K." Vortigern fell back asleep. Mordred climbed into his own bed and laced his hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He wished he could help her...but all he could do was point the way and hope she followed it. He sighed. Damn it, he hated being so helpless to help the ones he loved.
Gwen and Faith
Once Mordred had left, Faith came out of the bedroom. "Gwen, you're gonna have to face it soon enough."
"What do you mean?"
"Whatever you're running from. It's not him, I can tell that... but there's something that's got ya wicked scared. I don't know what though."
"Don't know what you're talking about."
Faith came over and sat by her on the couch. "Sooner or later, you're gonna have to face it. It's better sooner rather than later, trust me."
Gwen was silent for a long moment, then sat up. "Did you face it... whatever you ran from."
Faith shook her head sadly. "I faced some of it... but there are some things that I'm still running from."
"Then why should I?"
"Because, you need to face some. If not all! Gwen, this isn't healthy and it's not going to solve anything."
"I just... can I stay here for a few days?"
Faith sighed. "Yeah, whatever. Night."