Faith
Faith sat alone at the window sill, unmoving. She still felt dirty, but no amount of showering was going to fix that.
And she had a headache.
No doubt a side effect of Kenny playing around and stealing things from her head.
Kenny who had changed into Zac.
Faith closed her eyes, trying hard to forget what had happened. Why was it that whenever she thought everything with her and Zac was going to be ok, something bad happened? Maybe Diana was right. She was just going to end up dying and Zac would be hurt.
Or Zac wouldn't care.
That thought was more painful.
Faith rubbed her temples lightly, trying hard not to cry again. She glanced over at her bags and wondered again if she should go to LA to stay with Angel for awhile.
No, she couldn't be that far away from Zac. It would just hurt too much. She could go stay with Xander. She stood up and grabbed her bag, throwing her belongings into it as she walked around the room. She slung the bag over her back and jumped out the window, cursing as she landed hard on her feet. She ran all the way to Xander's place, hoping she wouldn't run into Zac.
Xander and Faith
Xander opened his door to find Faith standing there holding a bag, shaking.
"Hey, come in."
Faith nodded and walked in. He led her to his spare room and she sat on the bed almost mechanically. He sat next to her and put an arm around her. She recoiled from the touch and stood up.
"Faithy, what's wrong?"
Silently, Faith sat next to him again, but staring at his face, as if she couldn't remember who he was.
"Faith? Faith? Come on, talk to me girl."
"Xander?"
"Yeah, that's me. The old Xander Watcher. Well to be more accurate, I'm the Faith Watcher, aren't I? I'm Xander though, yes."
"Are you going to hurt me?"
"Not today," Xander joked, then seeing Faith's expression, he put an arm around her.
"Hey, I was kidding."
Faith looked down at her bag. "Can I... stay here tonight?"
"Yeah, why sure, what's happened?"
Faith took a deep breath and slowly explained the story to him, trying not to cry.
Xander hugged her again. "You can stay here as long as you want."
"Can I... I need to sleep."
"Sure. I'll go, if you want."
"No... stay here with me." Faith lay down on the bed, and Xander lay next to her, holding her hand. She rolled over so she had her back to him and closed her eyes.
Faith
Faith woke a few hours later to find Xander gone. She got up cautiously, noting that it had gotten very dark in the last few hours.
"Xand?" She called timidly. She was probably meant to go patrolling tonight, but she couldn't face going out into that darkness again.
Then again, could she face staying inside in the darkness? Maybe getting beaten up was what she needed. Anything to help her feel again.
Faith retrieved her knife out of her bag and slowly dragged the blade across her skin. She smiled as she watched her skin split, taking the smell of her blood, and enjoying the feel of it running down her arms. A single tear fell from her eyes into the blood. She smiled sadly.
"Tears and blood are mixed as one, but the damage has been done..." she whispered to herself.
Faith sat on the bed, holding her arm, now covered in blood. She grabbed some bandages and a towel from her bag. She cleaned herself up and bandaged her arm, then grabbed one of Xander's sweaters from the cupboard and put it on.
She looked around, blood had stained the sheets and her clothes, but she didn't care. She glanced at the knife, it was slick with her blood.
But that didn't matter.
Nothing did.
Faith, Xander and Piper
Faith left the room, taking her bag again.
"You know what, Xand? I'm just gonna go."
Xander came out of his kitchen and paused when he saw Faith standing there in bloodsoaked clothing.
"What happened?"
"Nothing. Thanks for having me. I'll be at the Halliwells." Faith walked out the door, and Xander followed.
"At least let me drive you."
Faith stopped and looked outside. She nodded.
"Come here." Xander led Faith down to the car after looking up. They got in and he started the ignition.
"What did you do?"
"Nothing." Faith looked out the window.
They pulled up at the Manor and Xander turned to Faith. "You can always talk to me, you know."
"I know. Thanks." Faith leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She grabbed her bag, got out of the car, waved and went into the house.
Where Piper was waiting.
"Paige said..."
"Yeah."
"Look, you know you can talk to us, right?"
"Yeah, well maybe I don't want to."
"Faith, I know that what happened must've - "
"No, see that's the thing. You *don't* know. And I'm glad that you don't. Because I'd never want you to feel that." Faith turned and went up to her room, slamming the door and barricading it with her bed.