Avery and Faith
Avery stared into her mirror at herself. All of her superficial cuts and bruises had been healed, but they could never heal her inside. She sighed, closing her eyes, realising that no matter how bad she felt at the moment, Jess would probably be feeling worse. She couldn't be selfish at a time like this. Her big sister needed her, and she was going to be there every step of the way, even if it meant suppressing what she felt.
Avery briefly thought of seeing a counsellor, but what would be the point? She didn't want to relive anything that had happened and if she had to, she would die. The only thing that had kept her alive were the thoughts of her family, and the only thing that had kept her from refusing The Spider, was the threat of Taylor's life. She loved her family more than anything in the world. But right now, all she wanted to do was run away.
"I just want to feel again. Feel anything."
Avery looked down at the knife she was holding. She rolled her sleeve up and stared at the cuts she'd made from the previous day. She slowly dragged the knife across her skin, wincing in pain, but relieved that it was hurting. The pains in her arms took away the pain in her heart.
***
Xander led Faith down to the basement of the place he was now staying in. He'd turned it into an impromptu gym for Faith, just for the time being.
"So how does this work?" Faith stood by the punching bag, looking scared.
"You punch it. Like this." Xander punched the bag and fell back when it swung back and hit him.
"You're not even going to crack a smile for that? Must be losing my touch." Xander stood up and brushed himself off. "But in all seriousness, just train. Let everything out on the bag." Xander stepped back and sat himself down on the balance beam.
Faith stepped closer to the bag, taped her knuckles up and began to punch. Softly and slowly at first, then getting faster and harder as she envisioned her life falling down around her. With one final punch the bag fell off it's hook on the roof and split as it hit the ground.
"Well, I think it's safe to say you're in good shape. I'm not going to lie to you, this is going to be hard. You teetered on the edge again, and sure, you almost didn't come back. But the point is, Faith, you did. You turned around, you made the choice to come back. Because isn't that what life is about? The choices we make and the consequences that may occur."
Faith fidgeted with the tape around her hands.
"Faith, you made the right choice. You chose to live. And no matter what, no one can take that away from you."
Jessica
Jessica sat in the bathtub, though there was not water in it, just shaking. SHe was afrad to sleep, she was afraid to talk, she was afraid to even think, because then it was real. And it didn't look real. None of the bruises and cuts were visible on her physical body, but they were in her soul. She had been raped, countless times over a two-week period. She had been tortured, beaten, hung upside down, and eviscerated. She knew what it was like to have her insides on the outside. And the worst thing swas, she could still feel his hands on her. Taking off her clothes, she turned on the shower and b3egant to scrub herself. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was raw and bleeding in areas. Would she ever feel clean again?
Avery
Avery wrapped a bandage around her arm and worriedly glanced at herself in the mirror. Sure, she could fool everyone else in the Hanson household, except for her mom. It wasn't as if she wanted to hide it, but something inside her told her what she was doing, while it wasn't wrong, it was something to hide. Deal with the pain in your own way, but don't let anyone know. She rolled her sleeve back down over the bandage and practiced smiling in front of the mirror. Satisfied with her effort, she opened her door and went to see her sister.
"Jess?"
Faith
Faith watched as Xander left. She'd told him she needed to be alone for awhile. He'd replied that maybe that wasn't the best thing for her at the moment, but she didn't care. She didn't want to listen. She only hoped that tomorrow would be better.
"What the hell is wrong with me? Usually I can get over things, no problem." Faith bent down and sat amongst the broken punching bag remains.
"And now I'm talking to myself." She buried her head in her hands, wondering what had happened to bring her here. "... Angel." She retrieved her bag and rifled through it, finding her cell. Flipping it open, she dialled the number she now knew off by heart.
"Angel Investigations."
"Fred, Faith. Can I talk to Angel?"
"Of course. Nothing that I should know about, no impending apocalypse?"
"Nope. Just a friendly chat."
An hour and a dead battery and probably a massive phone bill later, Faith hung up, feeling better than she had before. Xander appeared at the top of the stairs with an ice pack.
"Thought you could do with this."
"Thanks." She caught it and put it towards her face, her bruises still healing from the previous fights.
"Faith..." Xander sat next to her on the floor and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Xan, save it. I know what you're gonna say. And I know, I know I didn't go down that path again, but that doesn't make this any less scary."
"Welcome to the real world. Where things are scary. You think that no one else gets scared... that Will doesn't fear every second of her life that she might go down that same path again? Life is like that, Faith. But if you hold on, and keep fighting, then it's all worth it."
Faith looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes. "So what if I can't fight *it* again? What if it calls to me?"
"Then we deal with that as it comes. But no matter what, I'm here, I'm your Watcher, and I'm not going away."
"You've been dying to say you're my Watcher out loud, haven't you?" Faith cracked a small smile then fell serious again. "Why are you even here still? I can't believe you'd still want to help, even after I almost killed you."
"Faith, that's not the point. You tortured Wes and he still talks to you, why should I be different? The fact is, there is no one who understands what you go through, the daily struggle. And I'm not claiming to understand it, but I know it's there, and I know you do fight it, everyday. And that's why I'm not giving up. Because I know you, and I know you're fighting for redemption."
Jessica
Jess didn't look up as Avery came in. She sat up on her bed, holding her knees to her chest, and staring at nothing. She didn't react in any way, it was as if she didn't even know Avery was there. But a tiny part of her mind noticed that Avery had come in.
Avery
Avery hovered in the doorway for a few seconds. Jess had no reaction to her. She felt herself starting to cry, but she ignored it and came in and sat by Jess. Everyone had told her to act the same around her, but to make her know that she wasn't going to be hurt.
"Hey Jess, whatcha up to?"
Nothing.
"It's Tay's birthday in a few days, I was wondering, do you want to go get something for him? And I have an idea about what to do on his birthday. Jess?"
A single tear fell down Avery's cheek as she realised her sister wasn't responding to her at all.
"If you don't want me here, I'll go." Avery stood up and went to the door praying for her sister to say something. "I love you Jessi. And no matter what happens, no one can take that love away."
Jessica
*No! Don't leave me!* Jess screamed out mentally *DOn't leave me all alone!* nobody heard her. Nobody ever heard her. How much had she screamed and cried when Owen had her. And now she's never be free of him.
Avery
Avery grabbed her head in pain from the sudden shouts from Jess.
*Jessi, I'm not going to leave you.* Avery turned from the door and sat by her sister. "Jessi, it's all wet. Why don't I take you to your room." No answer. She tried again. "Hey, come on, I'll even stay with you if you want to sleep. Come on, Jess." Avery stood in front of her and extended her small hand to her sister and led her out of the bathroom and to Jessica's room.
*If you don't want to go in there, you can sleep in my room.*
Jessica
Silently, Jess nodded her head. Avie helped her put on her pyjamas, and then she whispered in her head.
*Can't sleep.* At Avie's look, she said it again. *Can't sleep, he'll get me.*
Avery
Avery frowned but then forced a reassuring smile. "Then we won't sleep. Come on, we'll go and watch old black and white movies all night. We'll get some junk food. I think we still have some left from the Launch party. Mom's trying to hide it, but I think this is a good time for candy."
Avery took her sister's hand and led her into their rooms to get some blankets and pillows. Avie then took them upstairs to the lounge room. She unfolded the couch/bed and left Jess there for a second while she dashed into the kitchen and grabbed drinks and food. She piled it all on the table in front of the TV.
"So, what to watch, Jess?"
Jessica
*White Christmas, Bing Crosby* Jess. *Need comedy.* Avie popped in the movie, and they sat together on the couch. Partway through the movie, Jess took her sisters arm in her hand, an ran her fingers up and down it, frowning when she found the bandage.
*I understand, Sissy,* she said in Avie's head.
Avery
Avery's first instinct was to recoil from the touch and deny it. But she was so close to Jess that she felt it didn't matter, so she let her body relax. *Please don't tell mom or dad. I just don't know what to do.*
Avery let her sister put her head on her shoulder and she reached around and hugged her, tears falling freely now. "Jessie, I love you, and I'm so sorry that you went through all of that, and I wish none of this had ever happened."
Jessica
*None of this should have happend to any of us. But I really do understand. Jess reached down and rolled up her pant leg, showing off her ankles.
*Been doing it for a long time, Avie. I know exactly how you feel.* Jess pulled her little sister close, and held her tight as they watched the funny old movie together.
Avery
Avery shifted her weight so she was more comfortable and leaned in against Jess. She let her fingers wander over to her bandage and she played with it for awhile before resuming her attention to the movie.
"Want some junk food?"
Jessica
*Chocolate* Jess thought in Avie's head, trying to smile. The girls pigged out and watched old movies long into the night.
Faith
Faith looked at Xander. "But you... you never did anything but try to be my friend. All of you tried, but I didn't care about any of it. And how do I rectify that?"
"You just have to know that we all love you, no matter what." Xander sighed and he approached Faith again. She walked away.
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"You deserve it, Faith. Think about how much good you've done since then!"
"Xander, think about how much bad that I have to make up for!" Faith felt the air rush out of her body and she fell to the ground again, rocking slightly. "I don't even know if I can make it through the next second."
"You can and you will. Because I'm here to help you."
"Please breathe for me Xander, I'm begging you."