Faith
Faith held her stomach slightly as the British man waved his arms, causing more people to appear behind her.
"Ah, hello... nice to see you all here."
A few confused and scared looks were shared.
"Well, as the more perceptive of you have probably realized by now, this is hell. And I am the Devil. But you can call me Toby, but only if you like. We like to try and keep things informal around here... and infernal."
He chuckled to himself.
"That's just a little joke. I tell it every time. Now you're all here for eternity... ooh, which I hardly need tell you is a HECK of a long time. So you'll all get to know each other pretty well by the end but for now I'm going to have to split you into groups and - WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SCREAMING?!"
Faith looked at the girl who had been screaming and closed her eyes for a second.
"Thank you. Now... murderers? Murderers over here please."
Toby started to gesture around him.
"Looters and Pillagers over here. Um, Thieves if you could join them... and... Lawyers you're in that lot as well."
He nodded.
"Fornicators, if you could step forward? My God, there are a lot of you! I think I'll split you into adulterers and the rest. Male adulterers if you could just form a line in front of that small guillotine in the corner."
Toby glanced down at his clipboard and chuckled.
"Hmmm... the French are you here? Yes. If you'd just come down here with the Germans... I'm sure you'll have plenty to talk about. Ok... ummm... Atheists? Atheists? Over here please. You must be feeling a right bunch of nitwits. And finally... Christians. Christians? Ah, Yes I'm sorry, I'm afraid it turns out the Jews were right."
Faith raised an eyebrow slightly.
"Okay right, well... are there any questions? Yes?"
A man put his hand up. "Can I go to the bathroom?"
"No, I'm afraid we don't have any toilets. If you'd read your bible you might have seen that it was "damnation without relief". So if you didn't go before you came then I'm afraid you're not going to enjoy yourself very much. But I believe that's the idea."
Toby looked at his clipboard again.
"Alright, I have an announcement. Tomorrow, there's Hitler's seminar 'Have Your Shit And Eat It Too', I suggest you all take a spoon and a paper towel. Now... Faith Davies?"
Faith looked up in surprise.
"Yes, we have a special room for you. Come with me please."
Faith followed Toby reluctantly through a turnstile and into a white room.
"You'll be here for awhile. Have a nice day."
And he disappeared.
"O...k... Hell is... not so bad," Faith commented, then groaned as the fire started again and she closed her eyes. "How the f*ck do I get out of here?"
OOC: Taken from the comedy stylings of Mr Rowan Atkinson.