Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Xavier looked down the long dining table and smiled slightly.
The students and others still at the school looked back up at him. The dining table was set out impeccably with a white linen tablecloth, graceful chandlebras with candles set in them, crystal glasses and silver utensils around white china plates gilded slightly around the edges. He picked up his glass.
"Merry Christmas to all. I hope you enjoy your meal and think about those whose hard work it took to bring this wonderful repast to us. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas indeed, and a Happy New Year. To the future...may it be as we wish it."
"To the future!" Most of those at the table chorused, before sipping from their glasses.
The meal was served.
Xavier chatted amiably with Jubilee, who was sitting to his right in Scott's absence.
"How is your schooling going?"
"Fine, professor. I was in Forge's class the other day...he was talking about the applications of cybertechnics to mutant abilities. He made the point that just as there the suppressor collars which block mutant abilities, there are other devices such as Cerebro which enhance them..."
Xavier nodded.
"And your thoughts are?"
"There's a long way to go yet."
Loki sat back in his chair, looking bored. He didn't eat. Well, he could eat, but all he'd be able to do was chew it up then spit it onto the plate again. He didn't feel up to doing it today.
Jay was snickering and talking in nearly repressed undertones to Silent Bob, who was nodding slightly but not really focusing.
"Focus, lunchbox! This is the way I was figuring it..."
Silent Bob sighed, then returned his attention to Jay's monologue, picking at his food slightly. Jay continued to inhale what he'd been served, in between bouts of rambling and swearing.
Becky and Rosalind
Jesse Tuck gave his Christmas wishes to Charles, and Charles had to smile. He remembered meeting Jesse when he was a young boy, but he hadn't changed a bit in over 50 years. Jesse wandered over and plopped doiwn across from Silent Bob.
"Yo."
Becky and Rozzie walked over to the group. "Mind if we sit here?"
Loki, Jay, Silent Bob and Kurt
"Hey," Jay said distractedly.
Silent Bobb nodded slightly.
"F*cking concentrate, lunchbox! If we don't get rid of this shit, we are so f*cking screwed, even I don't find it funny. Well, maybe if it was happening to one of those pathetic comic book f*cks, but not when we're the ones who're going down for it."
Silent Bob shrugged and spread his hands.
"Motherf*cking god, yeah, that could work."
Loki yawned slightly, looking at the girls.
"If you can tolerate Jay's mouth, you're welcpme."
"Ha f*cking ha, Ken."
"How many f*cking times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"
Jay grinned and bounced slightly. He loved irritating the angel. Silent Bob covered his eyes with his hand and slouched back in his seat.
"Suck it up, you tubby neutered bitch."
Kurt coughed slightly, tail lashing in agitation. He turned to the person on the side away from Jay and started talking to them.
Hank, pried from his medlabs under extreme force ate daintily, pausing to discuss matters of import in his research with Xavier at points.
Adam, Becky and Rosalind
Becky blushed at Jay's language. She didn't even understand half of what he said, but she thought it was cool that he felt free enough to say whatever was on his mind. She had never had that luxury. Rosalind felt Becky musing about her upbringing, and squeezed her hand under the table, then leant over and kissed her girlfriend on the cheek.
"It's okay Baby, I'm not letting them ever take you back there, to the prison for women." Becky smiled and laid her head on Rozzie's shoulder.
Adam looked around and then plopped down next to Jesse.
"So, anybody else hate Christmas?"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Jay whistled at Becky and Rozzie. Silent Bob tapped him on the shoulder and then shook his head.
"What?"
Silent Bob turned his eyes to the ceiling in a 'why me? Dear god, why?' gesture.
Loki flexed his hand slightly.
"Christmas is commercialised and stupid."
"You're the f*cking angel, shouldn't you have some respect?" Jay said.
"Shut up, you little stoner. I'm the Angel of Death. I don't do...nice."
Loki made a face.
Jay snickered.
"Do you wear one of those pansy ass robes? Cos duuuuuuuude! That would make you even more f*cked up then I thought."
Loki glared.
"I SWEAR to motherf*cking God, I am so close to killing you."
"But you're not gonna, are ya? Because then you'd be a very naughty boy."
Jay smirked.
Adam, Becky and Rosalind
"Dude," Adam said. "I'm an alien. We don't even follow human religions, mostly. As far as my family's concerned, Christmas is just an excuse to drink way to much kerosene, and beat on my and my sister."
"I follow the Old Ways," Rozzie put in, "We celebrate the winder solstice, and that's a powerful day, but Christmas? Just an excuse to get people to spend money."
"I was Amish, we celebrated the birth of Christ with prayer, and a familky gathering, but no gifts, or trees, or anything like that." Rebecca said, and Jesse smiled.
"I remember when Christmas was so simple. Sitting with your family in front of a fire. A few handmade, or maybe even store-bought gifts, if you could afford them. Now, it's crap. And what's with the whole 'Santa Claus' thing, anyway?" Jesse pondered.
Loki and Jay
Loki chuckled slightly.
"Wanna hear something funny? Actual Santa Claus is a demon."
"No motherf*cking way!" Jay exclaimed.
Rosalind and Becky
"I've heard that," Rozzie nodded. "Didn't know it was true. Yeah, he goes down chimneys and disembowels children, right?" Becky made a face.
"That's disgusting!"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
"Yeah."
Loki looked amused while Jay made retching noises.
"I think it's funny, myself..."
"Well, you would," Jay said.
"You're f*cking twisted. No sex can do to a person."
Loki kicked up beneath Jay's seat and the blond went sprawling on the floor. Silent Bob got up, radiating silent menace.
Rosalina, Becky and Adam
Roz smiled at it all, silently slipping he hand into Becky's lap, running her thigh. Becky blushed and smiled, laying her head on Rozzie's shoulder again. Rozzie kept rubbing until Becky turned her head and kissed Roz fiercely. They started giggling.
"Oh, Rozzie, shouldn't we go take care of, um, that thing?" Becky asked.
"Oh, yeah, um, that thing." Rozzie looked around the table. "We've got to go take care of. . something." They got up and dashed to their room, giggling all the way.
Adam grinned. "Am I the only one here who thinks that's really hot?"
"Not a chance, bud," Jesse winked.
Jay and Silent Bob
"F*cking god yeah," Jay said.
"Two bitches getting it on? Totally hot."
Silent Bob hit him over the back of the head.
"What? F*cking what, lunchbox?"
Adam
"It probably had to do with the fact that you shouldn't be calling nice girls bitches," Adam pointed out.
"Agreed," Jesse said. Adam looked Jesse over. If he wasn't in a commited relationship, he might've hit on the older man. Jay was hot too. Without realizing it, he licked his lips.
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Jay shrugged his shoulders fluidly.
"F*cking bite me."
Silent Bob noticed Adam's look and smiled slightly.
"I say we need to get down into Jersey sometime soon," Jay said, heading off on an entirely different tangent.
"Not while I have to keep you alive, you aren't," Loki said darkly.
"Boo f*cking hoo, Wings. We have business to conduct, people to see-"
"And get threatened by," Loki injected.
"Hey, we do what we do. We deal," Jay said, rubbing his fingers together.
"Profititable business. 'Cept for when we went to Wisconsin, then it was f*cking pitiful."
"Do *not* mention Wisconsin to me," Loki said.
Jay grinned.
"Yeah, that's right. Cos you told God to shove it, which I havta admit takes balls even if you don't have any and got exiled there for the space of human history."
Adam
Adam couldn't but help notice all these gorgeous guys around. And, GOD! but it had been forever since he'd got any. He loved Jess, and he was willing to wait as long as she wanted, but still, MMM. He was tempted to use his power. But he looked them over, Bob had smiled at him, and, well, there was something between those two. Adam decided to stay out of it.
"Nowhere can be any worse than Tulsa, I'm sure," Adam said.
"I don't know," Jesse said. "I've been in every major city in every country in the world, at least once, and most of the minor cities and towns too, and I have to say, there are worse places than Tulsa, and then Wisconsin."
Loki and Jay
"Nowhere is more boring then Wisconsin," Loki said.
"Spend a coupla thousand years, then you'll know what I mean."
"Because Loki's just a very naughty boy," Jay singsonged slightly.
"Tsk tsk."
"Shut the f*ck up, stoner."
"F*cking make me, dickless."
Adam
Jesse and Adam both laughed. "So, Loki," Adam began, "Inquiring minds want to know. Hoe DO angels relieve tension?"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Loki growled, hand going to the hilt of his sword.
"I may not be allowed to kill them, but I can kill you. Don't f*cking provoke me."
Silent Bob sighed, looking reproachfully at Jay, then at Jesse and Adam.
"No. Ohhh no. Stop with that f*cking look, lunchbox. Taunting the eunuch is fun," Jay said.
"F*cking stop it already!"
Adam
"Okay," Adam said, holding his hands up, "I get it, you murder innocent people." Adam decided to turn on the charm, wondering if it would have any effect on the angel. it might have some effect on the other men around, however. Adam ficked his attraction power on in his mindc, smiling at all the men around the table, just oozing charm.
Loki and Jay
"I *don't* murder innocent people," Loki said.
"I bring justice to the unrighteous. Oh, and people who just plain piss me off."
Jay grinned.
"So...ending the world. Way to go, Wings."
"Will you shut the f*ck up about that? It was f*cking Bartleby's idea, no, it was motherf*cking *Azrael's* f*cking plan. God, I wish I could kill that guy. Again."
"Bob killed him, remember?" Jay said.
"Yeah, with the cardinal's blessed golfclub. I ask you, a man of God blessing his own cllubs in order to get an edge in a pathetic game?"
Loki shook his head in disgust.
"Good thing he was such a dick though," Jay said.
Adam
"I think I'm missing something here," Adam said. "What's the whole story?"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
"Oh, here we go," Loki said, rolling his eyes.
Jay grinned, turning in his seat slightly to face Adam.
"Well. Wings here was the Angel of Death, until after the wholes Moses thing, Exodus, the Plagues, you know? Yeah, killing of the firstborn, Ken-doll here gets totally pissed with his friend, Bartleby, nother angel, different type."
"He was a Watcher and Recorder," Loki gritted out.
"Anyways, onwards. Loki, tanked to the gills, goes in front of the Throne of God, throws down his sword, quits, tells God where to get off and gives Her the finger. And god, She is a total f*cking babe!"
Bob grinned slightly and shook his head.
"So God exiles Loki and Bartleby to Wisconsin for the span of human history, then to sit outside Heaven when the end of days came for the rest of f*cking eternity."
"And then Bartleby got a f*cking newspaper clipping," Loki said sourly.
"Plenary indulgence gate in New Jersey."
Adam
"I heard about that," Jesse said. Adam, meanwhile, reached into his bag and pulled out some 'chocolate cupcakes,' the nice antifreeze variety, and started munching away, all the while flirting with Jay mercilessly, and being quite amused at how oblivious the older boy was.
"So, dud," ADam said, getting nice and high, "Then what happened."
Loki and Jay
"We started off to New Jersey," Loki said, then grinned bloodhirstily.
"With a minor detour at Mooby Burgers HQ. You probably read about that. I killed everyone there."
"While that was going on," Jay said.
"Me and Bob here get picked up by this chick we're certain is f*cking certifiable. And we start driving to New Jersey as well. And then a f*cking naked black man falls out of the f*cking sky. The 13th apostle who wasn't in the Bible cos he was a nigger. And apparently, Jesus was black as well."
Adam
Adam laughed, his orange eyes flickering. "God, I am so forking stoned. You didn't have purple hair before, did you?"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
"Um, no," Loki said.
Jay chuckled, socking Bob on the arm.
"Dude, you're f*cking wasted...anyway, there was much ass kicking by me and my compadre here. And we won. Obviously. Bartleby went nuts and there was dropping of people from great heights. People went splat. He also knifed Loki in the back."
"Side, to be precise," Loki said.
"And then he died after I blew off his mottherf*cking wings."
Jay held up his hand and Silent Bob highfived it.
"More blood, more death, and then we won."
Adam
Adam cocked his head to one side, stuffing a third cupcake into his mouth. "You're verry pretty, did you know that?"
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Jay blinked hard, shocked into silence for once and Loki snickered. Silent Bob's mouth twisted up in an amused grin, Jay noticed, then hit him on the arm. Hard.
"It's not f*cking funny, you tubby bitch!"
"Nah, it is," Loki said.
Adam
"Quite funny," Jesse agreed. "Um, Adam, what's in those cupcakes?"
"Antifreeze," Adam purred, without breaking his gaze from Jay. "It's the Dathrian equivalent of pot and LSD combined."
Jay
Jay looked intensely skittish.
"Can you f*cking quit with that look? I'm not gay."
Adam
Adam grinned, leaned over, and kissed Jay, hard on the mouth.
"You sure about that?" He asked, sitting back in his chair. Jesse, meanwhile, was laughing his butt off.
"Dude-man," Jesse said, "Trust me, in this day and age, it doesn't matter."
Loki and Jay
Jay spluttered for a moment, then wiped his mouth visciously on his sleeve. Loki nearly fell off his chair, he was laughing so hard.
"Oh god, your FACE!"
"F*cking laugh it up, you motherf*cking bastard," Jay snarled.
"Don't f*cking touch me, queer."
Jay stalked off, back radiating anger. Silent Bob looked at Adam appraisingly, then got to his feet.
"I better go make sure he doesn't break anything."
The larger man walked off after Jay.
"God, next time you do that, remind me to get a camera," Loki said.
"The look on his FACE!"
Adam
"Dude- I'm bi & high, besides I wanted to see what he'd do. What Jay doesn't know, is that my power is Attraction, and I'm been putting the charm on him all night. He was attracted to me, so, I must admit, the jokes on him!" Adam collapsed into a pile of giggles, playing with his tongue ring with his teeth. Adam took the moment to watch Jay's butt as he walked away.
Loki, Jay, Silent Bob and Kurt
Loki grinned.
"You're alright."
He laughed again.
"God, that look was priceless."
Kurt tsked slightly.
"But it vas not very kind, vhat you did."
Jay flung himself down on his bed, forearm over his eyes. Silent Bob sat on his own bed and watched his friend.
"I'm not f*cking gay," Jay insisted.
Adam
Adam looked at Kurt. "Are you actually blue, or is it just the drugs?"
"He's blue," Jesse assured him. "Come on, Adam, you need to get to bed," Jesse took the wasted boy's hand.
"You gonna join me?" Adam teasted, throwing his arms around Jesse.
"Very doubtful. Remember, you have a girlfriend, and so do I."
"But, if I sleep with Jesse, I'm not cheating on Jessi, now am I?" Adam asked with the logic of a very tweaked person.ides, she said I could sleep with guys as long as I shared all the sordid details." Adam said, nodding vigorously. Hey kissed Jesse's cheek.
"You are absolutely toasted, man." Jesse said. Finally, he scooped Adam up, and carried him off to his bedroom, seeing as how Adam wasn't walking so well.
Loki, Kurt, Jay and Silent Bob
Loki spun the stem of his wineglass through his hand.
"I better go make sure Jay isn't dead of shock."
Kurt's tail beat out a metronome against the floor, and he shook his head slightly.
The angel got up and went to his room.
Jay was getting pleasantly stoned, taking refuge in drugs to ease the sting of the world.
Silent Bob looked up as Loki walked in.
"I'm going to go on the computers," he told the angel, then left.
Loki looked at Jay, then stretched out on his own bed, starting to sharpen his sword.
Adam
Jesse helped get Adam into bed, finding it VERY hard to resist the sexual advances, and then decided to go on the computers himself.
Jay and Silent Bob
Silent Bob chatted to Jesse via the Net, before they both disconnected. He wandered back to his room.
Jay was still intermittedly muttering about not being gay, with several colourful descriptions of Adam and teasing Loki. The angel was whitelipped by this point.
Jesse
Jesse waited til he thought Adam was asleep, and then headed out to Jay & Bob's room, with his pipe, and the blend Miles sent him. He knocked on their door.
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Silent Bob got up and opened the door. He made a 'come on in' gesture and then left the open door to go lie down on his bed. He gave Jesse an enigmatic half smile before lighting up a reefer.
"F*ck off, we don' wan any," Jay slurred, eyes dazed and out of it.
"Ignore him," Silent Bob said.
"He never knows what he says when he's stoned.
"So what's his excuse the rest of the time?" Loki asked.
Silent Bob gave him the finger, then lazed back onto the bed.
Jesse
Jesse lit his pipe. "Here, try this. It's a blend of pipe-weed that my brother makes. It took him 100 years to get it just right," Jesse said, offering his pipe to Silent Bob.
Silent Bob
Silent Bob nodded slightly and took the pipe off him. He inhaled and looked respectful, giving Jesse a thumbs up when he gave it back.
Jesse
Jesse inhaled deeply, and then pointed at Jay.
"He still freaking out?"
Silent Bob
Silent Bob put his hand out horizontally and rocked it from side to side.
So-so.
Jesse
"Ah." Jesse looked over at Jay. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, Adam's completely smashed. Also, his power is Attraction, and he was trying to make everybody attracted to him, so he didn't expect you to freak out. He was just attempting to shut you up." Jesse walked over and offered Jay his pipe. "here, try this."
Loki, Jay and Silent Bob
Jay waved him off and rolled over.
"F*ck off and get out."
Silent Bob shrugged slightly as if to say, well, what did you expect?
Loki snickered slightly.
Jesse
"Yeah whatever," Jesse said. He sat down next to Bob.
"Christmas. . . eh. Whatever. it used to be all about family and all." He sat there in silence for a while, just smoking his pipe.
Jay and Silent Bob
Jay snorted.
"Family? What f*cking Candyland planet do you live on?"
Silent Bob winced slightly at the sheer bitterness in Jay's voice.
Jesse
Jesse just rolled his eyes.
Jay
"God, Bob, just make him go," Jay said.
"I'm too f*cking out of it to try and play nice. Wait, what am I saying? I'm hardly ever nice. So, f*ck off."