Gwen and Paige
Paige knocked lightly on Gwen's door, and then walked in, to find Gwen staring blankly at the ceiling, while lying on her bed.
"Gwen?"
Silence.
"I'm going to take you back to the mansion, ok?"
Silence.
"Ok." Paige touched Gwen's arm and orbed them to the mansion. She gave Gwen a last sad gaze, then orbed out again.
Gwen looked around, half realising she was back again and sighed. She walked numbly to Mordred's room and opened the door, blocking out everything around her, and heading straight for Mordred's cigarettes. She put one in her mouth and lit up, then went and perched herself on the window sill.
Mordred
Mordred's explosions of bad temper were more frequent and more violent as the days with Gwen missing trickled past. He stormed into his room, swearing under his breath, and threw his school bag at the wall. "GOD DAMMIT!" He flung himself onto his bed, the springs creaking in protest. He pressed down play on the CD player next to his bed, and Nickelback's 'Someday' started to play.
"How am I meant to get my someday, if she's not bloody here?" He asked the what he thought was empty room.
Gwen
Gwen absently started singing along to the song.
"Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when..."
She puffed on her cigarette again.
Mordred
Mordred sat up, eyes wide, as she started singing. "Gwen? Oh god, Gwen!" He got up off the bed and tripped over his own feet. "Bloody hell, just call me grace," he said in disgust as he picked himself up and walked over to her. "Where have you been? I've been so worried!"
Gwen
Gwen turned her head slowly.
"Oh hello," she said pleasantly.
She held her arm out.
"Smoke?"
Mordred
"Ta," Mordred said and took it off her, sticking it in his own mouth, Thankful for the calming influence of nicotene, he eyed her. "So, where the hell have you been? I was really, really worried about you. Bobby said you stole the keys to your car and took off..."
Gwen
"What Bobby doesn't realise that, insane or not, I can still steal things."
Gwen rolled her eyes.
"And so he should be more careful with where he hides things."
She kept her gaze out the window. As long as she didn't look at him, she'd be ok. Safe, tucked away in the corners of her mind.
"I went to my parents graves. And I saw me again. She's still bleeding."
Gwen's hand went to her throat.
"There's a line, right here."
Mordred
"Oh, oh god..." Mordred whispered. "Gwen I'm so sorry. But she said it was the only way. The *only* way! I wouldn'tve done it, if I had, I had thought there was anything else I could do to get you back."
Gwen
"Yeah."
Gwen's hand fiddled with her neck.
"Doesn't matter... had worse."
She kept her gaze strong out the window.
"Everyone who loves us, hurts us. Can't change that, the way of the world."
Mordred
Mordred fell to his knees next to her and pressed his face into her legs, tears coursing down his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...I didn't want to have to do it, but I love you too much to let you go without a hell of a fight, I;m so sorry, so sorry..."
Gwen
Gwen cringed at the word 'love'.
"No love," she said quietly. "We don't deserve love. Because we're dirty, filthy. Freak. That's me."
She let a single tear escape, feeling it trace a path down her cheek.
Mordred
"Then I am as well. I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry. I killed for you, I've got blood on my hands that I shed for you because they *hurt* you...I should just bloody well kill myself as well," Mordred finished quietly. "Cos I *can't* live without you, and it doesn't look like I'm ever gonna get you back. And I love you, and it hurts because you don't love me..."
Gwen
Gwen bit her lip.
"Don't look at him, don't look at him, don't look at him..."
She opened her mouth, but didn't dare turst herself to form any words, so she fell silent.
Mordred
"God, Gwen, you're killing me here. I can't seem to do anything to make it right, and I can't seem to help you." Mordred clung to her and wept harder, hoarse tearing sobs that were filled with agony. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, I keep it saying and trying to make it better, but you can't seem to forgive me, and I'm dying. I love you so much I'm dying from the inside out."
Gwen
Gwen looked down at Mordred, despite her best efforts not to, and that's when it happened. The tears poured out like someone had released the floodgate.
"Don't cry, oh God, Mordred, please don't cry."
She shook her head, struggling to put the barriers up, and hide, there where it was safe, where she didn't feel emotions.
"I don't want to feel, come on, please, please, this is killing me, look what I've done, oh God, kill me, just kill me, oh God."
Mordred
"I can't stop, it hurts too much," Mordred gasped out. "Everything, it all *hurts*. Can't you just kill me this time, love? Shock me dead. I can't keep doing this anymore..."
Gwen
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!"
Gwen took the cigarette and stabbed it into her arm, wincing slightly at her burnt arm. She punched through the window and grabbed a shard of glass, lightly carving over her arm, then slicing deeply across her wrist.
"No, no, no, hurts, this hurts, you hurt, and I don't want you to hurt, I love you, but I can't stay here, Mordred, it hurts, this is hurting, I can still feel it, I feel so dirty, I'm dying, let me die, please don't cry, this will be better, this doesn't matter, I can feel something inside me, and it's hurting me, I don't know what to do, I love you, and you think I don't, but I do, and God, this hurts, so much!"
Mordred
Mordred stood, and took the glass from her, throwing it away. "Don't! Gwen, love, please! I might not show it on my body anymore but everytime you cut yourself, it slices my soul." He held her hands out and away from herself, tears still cascading down his face. "Do you love me? Really? Cos that's what rips me into bloody pieces."
Gwen
"I love you," Gwen cried, her arms bleeding, as she desperately tried to rebuild her walls.
"No, no more memories, no more, no, someone please take them, no more."
"I love you, I love you, I love you, and you were so good to me, and I was so bad, and dirty, and I don't know how to make it right, it's never going to be alright."
Mordred
"I love you," Mordred told her simply. "And you're not. You're an angel, amazing, beautiful, pure. What other people have done to you, doesn't change who you are inside." He raised a trembling hand to her cheek to catch one of her tears. "I love you, Gwen Raiden. With everything that I am. And there's nothing you have done or can do that will change that." And he leant in to kiss her.
Gwen
Gwen kissed him back, putting her arms around him, carefully to make sure no blood got on him.
"I love you, Mordred Llewlyn. Thank you for saving me."
Mordred
"I want to be there to catch you when you fall," Mordred whispered into her ear as he put his hands on her waist and held her close. "But please, don't fall so far next time. We might not survive it." He kissed her neck. "I love you. Please forgive me?"
Gwen
Gwen kissed him gently.
"There's nothing to forgive. I love you so much."
She buried her face into his shoulder.
Mordred
"I *failed* you. I should've been able to protect you," Mordred said with self-loathing. "I might've killed them afterwards, but they never should've been able to hurt you in the first place."
Gwen
Gwen kissed Mordred again.
"Not your fault."
She kissed his nose.
"It was mine, for trusting Mark. Not your fault. Never."
Mordred
"I'm a bloody telepath! I shouldn'tve thought that..." Mordred broke off and bit his tongue. The jealousy surged upwards again. She hadn't, he was pretty sure, but oh, it stung him to the quick.
Gwen
Gwen kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his lips.
"You should've thought what, love?"
She felt vague memories coming back to her, and she struggled to keep them out. But it wasn't working.
Mark lying above her, laughing, taunting, she was dirty, and he didn't care, he kept going.
"Can't turn me down now, can you?"
His harsh breathing in her ear, she was struggling, so difficult, if only he'd untie her, give her back her powers, they would all pay.
Mordred
"Don't worry about it, love. Just forget I said anything," Mordred said. "But I killed him first." Mordred's eyes hardened to the appearance of steel. "Bloody Mark and his bloody phonecall...shit." He realised what he had just said. "I shouldn'tve said that..."
Gwen
Gwen looked puzzled, then it dawned on her.
"Did you think I was with Mark?"
She let out a bitter laugh.
"Well I was, but it wasn't consentual."
She kissed Mordred again.
"I love you, and it's only ever been you. I don't know what he said to you, but the only reason he would've called was to arrange the first job we did together. And part of that job involved us being at a party together, so we could suss out the building."
Mordred
"I should'tve doubted you. I knew I shoudn;tve but I..." Mordred shrugged. "I just wish I'd made his death more painful now."
Gwen
Gwen shook her head.
"It doesn't matter, not anymore. It's over."
She smiled weakly.
"It's all over."
Mordred
"And thank God for that," Mordred said ferverently. He ran a finger down her arm, carefully avoiding the wounds she'd inflicted on herself. "Does that mean no more of this then?"
Gwen
Gwen nodded.
"I'm sorry you had to see me like that."
She shivered.
"I'm sorry I was lost."
Mordred
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault," Mordred said firmly. "I love you. I don't like to see you hurt yourself, but it's not your fault that you did. It's theirs."
Gwen
Gwen leant into Mordred.
"I need a shower," she said softly. "Do... you want to..."
Mordred and Faolan
Mordred smiled slowly. "If you want. Think it sounds like a bloody good idea..."
Vort, keep Faolan out of my room for a bit, ok?
Why? Oh. OH! Mordred felt the wave of embarrassment Vortigern felt as he realised. Of course!
Mordred took Gwen's earlobe between his teeth and tugged gently. "Shower, angel?"
Gwen
Gwen took Mordred's hand and led him to the bathroom.
"We're not gonna be interrupted, are we?" she asked, leaning in to kiss his neck.
Mordred
"Uh uh. Vort's minding Faolan." Mordred slid his hands under her top and slowly took it off her. "God, you're so beautiful, Gwen..." He kissed her on every inch of skin he uncovered.
Gwen
Gwen kissed Mordred slowly, softly, before reaching down and unbuttoning his pants, then helping him get his shirt off.
"I love you so much..."
Mordred
"I love you, mo cariad, my love, milady..." Mordred knelt and took her pants off before starting to kiss up her legs. He loved everything about her. "Beautiful...so bloody beautiful..." He kissed her stomach, then stood, reaching back to turn on the water. "Shower?"
Gwen
Gwen nodded, and stepped into the shower as the water was adjusted to the right temperature. She pulled him in after her, pausing only to close the door, then wrapped her arms around his neck, the cuts in her arm forgotten as she kissed him and then pulled back to look into his eyes.
"I love you, please never let go of me."
Mordred
"Never." Mordred kissed her, the water cascading around them as he lost himself in her. "I'm forever yours. Always. My heart, my soul, is yours."
Gwen
"Good," Gwen breathed, lightly nipping at his shoulder. "Because I can't live without you."
She looked up into his eyes again, then slowly kissed him, her arms tightening around his neck, in an effort to get closer to him.
Mordred
"I nearly died without you. Don't leave me again, please," Mordred begged, tears joining the water that poured down over them. He ran his hands down her body. "Please don't leave me."
Gwen
Gwen kissed his tears gently.
"Never."
She caressed his cheek.
"I will never leave you, my darling boy."
Mordred
"I love you, Gwen," Mordred whispered to her as they made love in the shower. "Love you..." The water started to run cold, and they stumbeld out, still not letting go of each other.
Gwen
Gwen reluctantly let go of Mordred to wrap a towel around him and then around herself. She took his hand and led him back to his room, kicking his door closed behind them and locking it, letting the towel drop again.
"I love you so much," she sighed as she reached up to kiss him.
Mordred
"I love you. You're my everything." Mordred kissed her deeply, unable to get enouhg of her. It had been so long. "My heart, my soul, my angel, my beautiful one..." He tugged her down onto the bed.
Gwen
Gwen lay beside Mordred, her fingers lightly running up and down his body, teasing him, making him wait. She reached over and kissed him, needing him so badly, and not being able to find the words to tell him. Actions would have to do. She rolled over so she was lying on top of him, and showered his face with kisses.
"You're my world, Mordred Llewlyn, and I don't intend to change that, ever."
Mordred
"You're my heaven," Mordred told her as they rocked together slowly. "I love you. I don't think I could ever not." He kissed every bit if her he could reach as his hands caressed her. "I love you."
Gwen
Gwen lay her head on his chest once they'd finished making love, and entwined their fingers together.
"I love you too," she said breathlessly. "You're so wonderful, don't stop that."
Mordred
Mordred lefted their hands to his lips, and kissed her knuckles reverently. "Love you, Gwen. Don't change on me. I love you just the way you are."
Gwen
Gwen yawned in contentment. She closed her eyes and arranged her head so she lay over his heart, listening to the gently beating.
"Love... you," she wshipered, before falling asleep.
Mordred
Mordred breathed in deeply, smelling her all around himm again at last. He vowed he wouldn't bollocks it up this time. "Love you too, mo cariad. Love you too." He curled his hand around her stomach to hold her close, then fell asleep himself.