"Listen, Matt, you know that you're my best friend, but that's really all I can be for you. I love you like a best friend and a brother, just not as a boyfriend, and I think we should just be friends. The dance was great fun and all that, but I'm just not ready for a boyfriend, you know?" Numbly, Matt nodded, he understood, and even mostly felt the same way sometimes, but it still hurt, of course.
Not long after, Charlene had to be home for supper, and Matt's family had supper together as well. Later that night Matt was just sitting at the desk in the downstairs bedroom, just thinking. Earlier he had been rummaging in the desk drawer and had stumbled onto a penknife, and was sitting there tossing it around.
[I can't stand this anymore. The only times I'm ever happy is when I'm running, and I can't even do that now. I was a good runner, I won all those competitions, and what good am I now? It's not like I serve any important purpose or anything, I'm just a burden to my family, they don't need me. I remember when Duke and Cosmo and I all needed each other, we were three parts of one, practically the same person, and now we're drifting apart. Nobody needs me anymore, not my brothers, not parents, not the t rack team, not even Charlene. Nobody.] Matt suddenly looked down at the knife in his hand, and it hit him like a ton of bricks:
[I might as well be dead, at least then I wouldn't be a burden to everyone, it might even make everyone's lives so much easier.] Not even really aware of what he was doing, Matt made the first cut, across his right wrist, and then a second, right next to it. With shaking hands he forced himself to do the same to his left wrist. When he finished, a wry smile fell upon his lips. Maybe he couldn't control what life had in store for him, but at least he could control how it ended.
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Isaac couldn't sleep. He decided to go down to the kitchen and grab a snack. As he walked downstairs he noticed that Matt's light was still on. It was after one in the morning, and Isaac wanted Matt to at least try and sleep.
[Maybe his knee's bothering him, I'll bring him some pain pills. Those will help him sleep, too. Actually, he must be hurting, I mean, he just had major knee surgery.] Isaac went over to the locked medicine cabinet that they kept all the potentially harmful medication in, since they had so many little kids around, and grabbed Matt's pain pills. Isaac knocked on the door, but there was no answer so he just went inside. Putting his hand up to his mouth Ike gasped, feeling like he was about to be sick, and at the same time not believing what he saw in front of him. His beloved son, Matt, was lying passed out in his wheelchair, both of his wrists slit. Running over to his son, Isaac checked for a pulse, and was delighted to find one. He ran as fast he could and dialed 911, and then went and woke up Babsie. They woke up Natalie and asked her to stay up and watch over the other kids, and to stay and wait for their phone call while they went to the hospital with Matt. Finally the ambulance showed up and they rushed off to the hospital, Babsie in the ambulance, and Isaac in a separate car.
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After waiting for over an hour the doctor finally came out into the waiting room.
"Mr. And Mrs. Hanson?" She asked.
"That's us," Isaac said, as the stood up.
"Your son, Gomez I believe it is has lost a lot of blood, but he's going to be okay. Due to the nature of his wounds we're admitting him into the psychiatric ward as soon as you give us permission. I understand that it's a hard decision to make, but if he's at a point where he wants to take his own life, he needs serious help, and I believe we can give it to him." Isaac and Babsie looked at each other, they both understood that this was where Matt needed to be if they wanted him to survive.
"Where's the form?" Babsie asked. "But please, can I see my son first?"
"Of course, Mrs. Hanson." The doctor brought them to the room where Matt was being held. He was restrained to the bed to keep him from hurting himself, and he was asleep. His wrists were heavily bandaged. One look at her son and Babsie began to cry again, and Isaac pulled her into his arms.
"Please Dr. Sanchez, we just want Matt to be okay again, where are those forms?" Isaac said, his voice cracking with unshed tears.
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The next morning, Matt woke up in an unfamiliar room, and feeling like he'd been run over by a Mack truck. Looking around, he spotted a call button and pressed it. A minute or two later a nurse came into the room.
"Oh good, you're finally awake." She said, smiling cheerfully.
"Where am I?" Matt croaked out, his throat dry. "And where are my parents?"
"You're in the Tulsa Memorial Hospital Psychiatric Ward, and your parents are probably at home. You can see them as soon as the doctor says it's okay. You scared a lot of people last night, Mr. Hanson." Matt thought he might cry, but surprisingly, he couldn't. He felt is if he were hollow inside. He couldn't cry, his whole body felt like it didn't contain a drop of moisture. Matt realized that the only emotion he was able to feel at that time was fear. He had gotten himself into new territory, and he didn't know quite how to handle it.